Ziggy.

I will write a song for you.

For us.

But for you.

You need to settle into your skin comfortably.

Love like a river.

You need to be!

I'm here.

I promise you..

You Forgive Me.

Internet eludes me at home.

I'm currently in my local library praying for instrumentals.

To write to of course.

Smooth instrumentals, r & b, neosoul, hip hop...

Something to groove to.

Ever been so inspired you get stuck

and have no clue what to do with yourself?

Causes of my stuckness:

Dom O Briggs

&

Humuni .

I haven't heard music projects that got me this hype since Lupe Fiasco's Enemy Of The State.


Anywho...I've been courting my pen lately.

I'm ready to really immerse myself in my writing.

I will be posting something soon.

Hopefully.

You know how the internet teases me.

*goes back to bumping music*

Love Ya!

9:44 A.M.

This started out as an ode to crushing on impossible people.

But hey! I have enough things to say to make this a Ten to One.

So let's get cracking, shall we?

You should learn me.
Never had patience for women who hug their flailing woes
Blindly.
You got a heart like a forest fire.
There is no mirror here.
Stop looking for yourself.

I can respect loyalty.
It's scarce in this day and age.
But....
You have the smile of A students
With their gpas creasing at their corners.
In the end it doesn't matter.
In the end, you never learned.

There are several things we can withstand
I have a feeling THIS is not one of them.

I wade with you.
This is the best I can do.
I'm sorry.

I almost made a foolish mistake.
Stupid stupid stupid.
I almost let you see my notebook.
And all the cells that make it
All the skin that carries it
Stupid stupid stupid.
I won't be making that mistake again.

I miss us.
And our outings.
You da best homie.
See you this break.

We share
Every fiber
Every Cell
Every Gut Twist
On this body.
And yet my heart
Still overbearingly belongs to you.
Give it back.

I don't know why
I keep assuming you want to know me.
You just say things because that's what your tongue
Is used to.
That's all your taste buds know.
Flatlines
And lines that fall flat.

I've learned
That when you find the scrunchiest of faces
Endearing
That you should run for the hills.
And boy am I running.

Promises are so easy to break.
Remember that.

In Honor Of...

To Write Love On Her Arms Day.

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement
dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

If you want to participate, all you have to do is write LOVE on your arm.

I Need A Break.

No one understands how tired I am.

Nothing cuts it anymore.

I feel like I need a clean slate.

A fresh piece of paper.

A new notebook of a life.

I don't have to erase the lessons from my last one.

I just want to move on, be new, with this one.

I'm thinking of either taking a break from all social networks

Or

Creating a new facebook or twitter, etc...

Where I can be a little less uncensored.

Where I can be a little more free.

Where nothing can haunt me.

Where I won't run into anything I don't want to remember or see.

The break sounds good for now.

Because everything is too much.

Everyone annoys me.

Everyone disappoints me.

And it's all in my face!!!!

ARGH!

A bullshit filter would be lovely.

As well as a No Exes Allowed

No Family Allowed

Only Inspiring, Real People

Filter.

I just want to express myself without having to second guess it.

When's the last time you posted something

A Facebook Status, Blog Post, A Tweet

Without thinking about who is going to see it?

Take This To Heart.

Nobody comes back

The same as when they left.

The doorway is no longer a portal

To safety but the yawning gap

Between us.

We lost the keys,

Love, and broke off the knobs

A long, long time ago.

- “Our Feet on the Word Welcome” By Karen Ann Capco

Oh How I Miss Them...

COME BACK PLEASE!!!

Yes.

Here's some advice via my Swedish CupCake Jen.


"When saying goodbye is too much...


Just say I Love You.


And if they love you back,


Then of course they will understand."



So true.


Sometimes you just can't be afraid to be happy.


You can't be afraid that you won't make it through the free fall...


Sometimes we have to be more than a little brave.

Bare.

A lovely Ten to One because the weather is getting cold again.

Don't know what a 10-1 is?

Click HERE

Go.

Somehow you have vanished
Into thin wood.
I fear that if I knock
I might break us.

Some judge growth by Fashion.
As if I could hold all of my life lessons
In such dusty fabric.
You make me afraid to bare all
There is so much harm to be done
To the thickest of skin.
You probably don't wonder anyway...
But if you did
I'd tell you my boots from last year are ruined.
I bought another pair of the same kind.
What does that tell you?

There are many apologies
For what should of beens
Many apologies for what I know now
And what I didn't know then
But apologies
Are only pathways to be built
Or torn down.
London Bridge.

You can dress me up in diamonds.
You can dress me up in dirt.
We are never really sure of who is underneath
Are we?

I give you the last song
And the last lines
You creaking faucet, you
I spit rust flavored nightmares
You just can't recognize that color can you?

Oh how the mighty will fall...

I wonder if you ever knew me
Half as well as you thought you did.
I wonder how your footprints feel
I have a feeling I'm about to find out.

Clocks can show you who you really are
And as Tzitzi Farmer said
"Time is the biggest snitch--
No lie!
It always tells."

I'm sorry
I cannot be one of those women
Staring at stained glass
Praying for the dream to come alive again.
These windows will strip the queen from you
Reduce you only to a prayer in waiting
Body glued to the bathroom floor
Bare kneed and buckled.

When will you be tired
Of snapping the love welts
Inside of your stomach?
Tell me...
So I can know you feel madness also
That I'm not a lost child
Tell me...
Please.

Bare All Cold Weather

Let's get personal and recap for a second.

Around this time last year I was:

1. Kicked out of my home and living with my godmother

2. Hurt and confused that the guy I was talking to kept giving me mixed signals

3. I was still finding myself

4. Heavily depressed and repressing it.


Boy if I knew then what I know now....


I digress.

December and January were my worst months.

Also, they were the first months in which I ever got drunk.

And thus, this freewrite:

I.

Alcohol always tastes like

Women with no strength for teaching

The ones who lost their love in the laundry

Women who stitch their fears to bar glasses

Like mothers

Who never told me to button my jumpy bones

Silently.

II.

Drunk

Is not a good friend of mine

We are about as close as

The quiet grazing an ex lover's mouth

And the thunder lapping tongue between his & mine.

My tonsils don't hold sun storms well.

III.

Sweaty hands can unhook

Even the most strategically placed underwire

I own secrets in that metal

Can you handle the breaths beneath the bra?

IV.

I start to remember

I cannot afford the morning.

Cotton swished aftermath

A sunrise too wooden to make peace with.

V.

I lose the pieces.

I know that this is a new year, and the past is past and all...

But I just can't forget where I came from.

Where I was. It keeps chasing me.

Something about it just won't let me be...

So Sad.

This Is Cheyenne.

October 3rd, around 1 a.m. she became the victim of a stray bullet. She was shot in the back.

She was pronounced dead at Harlem Hospital.

She was only 17.

It is so heartbreaking, not only to her mother, not only to her family and friends, but just the story itself.

I didn't know her personally but I've seen her around. She lived around my neighborhood. My cousins were closest to her.

She is described as a sweet girl, always looking for laughter. It is such a tragic loss.

How many more have to fall victim to senseless shooting, to senseless violence, before something is actually done about it?

Enough is enough.

No one should have to pass on before they reach their prime.

R.I.P. Cheyenne.

Here's the article.

I Like This.

http://soundcloud.com/suavegemstar/tray-q-whos-a-monster

I don't like a lot of covers.

But I'm feeling this one.

Enjoy!

Tonight.

Tonight I am angry.

Tonight....

I am frustrated.

I am sick.

I am not in the mood for bullshit.

The world should look out tonight.

Tonight...

I'm on a rampage.

Full Circle.

I remember the Fall with you.


Walks splintered into my stopwatch of a schedule.


Stanzas squeezed into the streaming of my pulse.


You held my hand once.


You remember?


I remember laying in the park with you.


Hesitation fed by petty grass stains.


This was before I wanted to untie the soul


You secretly twisted in your tongue.


It was simple then.


When I was still too afraid to be hopeful.


When I molded you out of


The freshest dirt in my day dream.


Before I got hit with a heart


Full of quaking bricks.


I remember your breath before the sunset.


The way a smile used to taste on you.


The way the sun winked at the hardened glass


In your eyes.


Back when I liked your eyes best.


When I didn't mind them being quiet


And safe.


I remember my frostbitten breathing.


Watching windows


And accepting the fog to them.


I remember the tears in the train station.


I remember your phone number.


I remember all the sweet words flexed away from me


The alcohol swished in your system


The truth you spilled because of it.


It's September again.


I remember the poisoned peace you never owed me.


The lead I still carry in my rib cage.


The way it weighs me down when I flit forward.


I remember silly poems.


And late night phone conversations.


I remember how you bit too hard


How I never had the guts to tell you.


And I keep wondering


If it was really that easy for you to forget.

Nothing Fancy...

But I'm gonna need you to stay around...


Please.

It's Been A While...

10-1
(ten to one)

Ten things you wish you could say to ten different people.

Or in my case...

10 different things that will eventually, in their own time...

Find a way to be said.

GO!

I wish I could shield you
from all the hurt and the stress mama.
Purple looks lovely on you.
Bruises don't.
Good thing I have several band aids handy.

I just want to make you proud of me.
And me proud of me.
It's not so simple is it?

You are a daily reminder
That there is good in the world.
I hope you get all you deserve.
And soon.

Still trying to double edge me I see
I was built for people like you.
I wonder what you're going to do
When there's nothing around
To sharpen that bitter blade of yours?

I must admit
That some nights
I remember the intimacy.
If I could've done things differently
And still be able to keep my lessons
I would.
It doesn't work like that.
I'm adding a layer of dust to your photograph.

I'm sorry I don't call more often.
I'm not used to doing that,
You should know, you taught me.
Wait.
You have a telephone also!
There goes my guilt.

I really
Really really
Really really really
Want to release this in poem form.
I'll wait for you to do it first.
My responses are usually stronger than the original.
Holla at me.

Good luck!
I believe in you.
No pressure.
Or rather don't pressure yourself.
We have enough things to bitch about as it is.

Beginnings are always beautiful.
But I'm looking for consistency.
Are you good with that?

I got used to the treadmill love
Where no matter how fast you run,
You're stuck at the starting point,
Only exhausted.
You know what happens when a woman gets tired?

Part 2 Of How I'm Feeling Right Now

Cute right?

Part 1 Of How I'm Feeling Right Now

"Don't let go too soon. But don't hang on too long."

-Mitch Albom

Don't hang on at all actually. See if someone catches you.

And with the disclaimer...

To go along with the post below:

Disclaimer.

The thing about the past is that it is so heavy...


Especially a distorted one.


I don't feel people need to know what went on between us...


But it seems like everyone has a different story to tell...


All I can say is if you knew me now...


You would know I've grown into my value.


That's why I cut all of the dead branches of my life


And pick the weeds.


Certain things just will never help me grow.


So do me a favor...


Leave the gossip where it lays,


Understand what you think you know is never what the facts are,


And float away.


I have enough to deal with as it is.


Love me where I stand or suck it.

Baby Steps.

*Baby steps back into my focus.

I've been so unfocused lately.

I need to start writing like I'm running again.*

There's just something about the way

Doubt sits in your spit

And the spit sits in your lie

The way the lie hits your breath

When you realize you loved me past Wednesday.

I cradle myself

Into routine baptism

Dunking away the denial

Rippling in the scream I've thrown you

You catch it like a cramp

In the crooked noose of your neck.

You disappear before I see you.

I know you were there.

Don't tell me this space never felt your presence

Cock eyed smile

Alley slanted grin

I know

You were standing next to me.

You leave me undefended.

I jerk around battles bigger

Than any nightmare. Closer

Than jolting backwards into arms

That could never jerk me forward in time.

I open my eyes

I take a deep breath

And thank the lucky stars for the solidness of bed sides.

Huge Sigh.

I buy a wonderful blackberry curve for half its price.

Bought it off a friend.

Everything was going great.

And someone spills juice on it and it won't turn on.

I am back at home.

I have a roommate now. One of my best friend's since high school.

She doesn't have a key yet.

I wanted to go out tonight.

Can't contact her because of my phone.

I get locked in because I can't lock her out.

Oh and by the way...

I'm broke. No insurance on that phone.

No way to buy a new one.

And the day started off so perfect.

I woke up to a beautiful morning call.

Counted my blessings, made it to all my appointments on time.

I smiled.

And now this happens.

Huge Sigh.

I'm gonna go sit and sulk. Because that's the only way I'm passing
time tonight apparently.

*pout face*

Because I said I would.

John Mayer-Slow Dancing In A Burning Room Cover

Yeah I'm obsessed with the song.

I'm Human.

I'm slacking on this 30 day challenge thing.

What's worse is that I have enough time to get caught up...


But I'm just not feeling it.


Let me clear my head loves,


Maybe I'll get back on track.

No promises though.


Afterall...



;] I'm human.

Evolve.

"We cross our bridges when we come to them

And burn them behind us,

With nothing to show for our progress except

A memory of the smell of smoke,

And a presumption that once our eyes watered."

-Tom Stoppard

It's 2010.

Things you need to do:

Google Oscar Grant

Then youtube the video of his shooting.

Or just watch it here.


It's 2010, not 1965.

Amadou Diallo.

Sean Bell.

Now Oscar Grant.

THIS is the definition of justice?

A blatant and merciless killing and he gets off with involuntary manslaughter?

Obama, get on your job.

Everyone else needs to wake up.

Take a look around you.

It's Time...

...For a 10-1

(Ten to One)

And what is a 10-1 you might ask?

Click HERE for more details.

Go!

I knew that you would eventually find a girl
Who would be willing to be with you.
Who didn't leave subtle pauses
Between her palms and yours.
I'm happy for your gain.
But lately I've been feeling my loss.
Guess what they say is true.
About Karma that is.
The man I love pauses too.

When you finally do come back to my life
I won't be the same.
And you'll be okay with that
Because we are friends
True friends
And I'm glad.

Here is to new beginnings
Fluttering wings
Late night conversations
And growth in our flight
I love you chica.

I'm not sure where you fit in my life anymore
But I'm willing to let you go
Stop clinging
There are no strands
For you to hold onto.
Go live.

I make my own decisions.
I do what I please.
Because it is the best course for me.
You won't stop me.

You have never called me beautiful
It irks me.
But I've always known better.
Deep down
That's where I'm going to leave you.
This
Is as far as we go.

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
And I'm out.

I cannot wait to meet you again.
Mothers are like fine wine sometimes
They get better with age.
Let's toast to us.

I left you with the ashes too.
You keep trying to rebirth yourself.
Its okay friend,
I just might let you.

You are wonderful darling
But I shine a bit more brightly
It's either me or her.
I'm giving you the green light.
Tired of crying
Tired of waiting
And I already know your answer
I'm just ready for you to tell me to
Go.
I love you more than you know.
But you don't know that
Now
I love me more.
Clock's ticking.

Day 11: Your Siblings

Sometimes I have blood

Others I have branches. Bark

Runs in families.

Something that made my night...

A girl's facebook info box read:

"Hi I'm Shanae.

And I'm comfortable in my skin.

Are you?"

Well now...

Are you?

Day 10: What You Wore Today

Today, I was brave

In my skin. My curves conquered

This weather's hot breath.

And right now...

"I got used to the treadmill love

Where no matter how fast you run,

You're stuck at the starting point,

Only exhausted. "

(sara bareilles)

I've got to admit love.

I'm tired.

So tired.

I love myself more than this.

Maybe it's time I go.

Day 9: My Beliefs

As Staceyann Chin

Smartly wrote: "Tomorrow is

A Tricky Promise."

Day 8: A Moment...

Things my heart used to

Know. Across my memory.

Nostalgic Disney.

Day 7: Your Best Friend

We are not afraid

To fall. Together we will

Always fly harder.

Day 6: My Day

I never lusted

At Summer's heat. I always

Hoped that it would fade.

To Answer ChyeahBella's Question...

In case you didn't see my comment

I get my horoscopes from www.nydailynews.com

And when they forget to update that

I go to www.nypost.com



^_^

My Horoscope

If things aren't right in the love department,
don't be shy about saying something.
If you need to change the status quo in one area,
speak up. It is never too late to change how you do things.
Work together so that everyone wins; it's the best way to move forward.



Now. Dear Horoscope.... I love how you tell me WHAT to do without instructions on HOW to do it. -_____- Love, A doomed Taurus.

Day 5: Your Definition Of Love

My definition

Of lasting Love is Silence

Before Rash Speaking.

Day 4: What You Ate Today

Cheese is my Goddess.

I worship her through my fork.

My stomach, her Temple.

Day 3: Your Parents

Mothers give life to

Legends. I hold my story

Within her lifelines.

Day 2: Your First Love

We loved like infants

Scrapes, bruises...My Heart is Wise

Woman now. Thank You.

Day 1: Introduce Yourself

I am only as

Bright as the Light beneath your

Swept Eyelids. Now Blink.

30 Day Challenge

So there's this 30 challenge going on:

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love

Day 03 – Your parents

Day 04 – What you ate today 

Day 05 – Your definition of love

Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend

Day 08 – A moment

Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today 


Day 11 – Your siblings

Day 12 – What’s in your bag

Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory

Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret

Day 20 – This month


Day 21 – Another moment

Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better

Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place

Day 28 – Something that you miss

Day 29 – Your aspirations

Day 30 – One last moment

I'm doing the full length version on my tumblr

(www.makinglovetodreams.tumblr.com)

But for my lovely blogspot,

I will do the 30 days in Haiku.

Expect Irregular Updates.

I mean you love me, right? That shouldnt be a problem.

Now the question is...

WHO IS DOING IT WITH ME?!

I Want This Necklace.

And a free trip to disney world please!

To The One I Call Chief Chasing Wind...

The problem with chasing wind is that you run blindly.

You will run out of breath trying.

And all us girls ever wanna do is make things solid.

Haiku 16

You said you fell while

Holding Diamonds in your hand.

Find me in the rough.

Oh My Sweet Baby Jesus....

Black Bird @ Urban Juke Joint


Click this. He is beautiful. You won't regret it.

Here We Go.

Ten to One time.

*insert round of applause*

Yayyy!

-____-

It's beginning to be very hard to stay bitter.
Maybe I've outgrown the negative.
Maybe it's just time to move on.
Yeah.
I can move on.
But he won't.

Your eyes are
The most intriguing
Confusing
Devious things I have ever gazed into.
You leave me feeling uneasy.
What are you really saying
When you look at me?
I don't think it's anything good.

I'm getting past the need for your approval.

I love you.
You annoy the living shit out of me.
I love you.
When you are in my house, do things my way.
You annoy the living shit out of me.
I love you.

I'm attracted to you.
Your body is amazing.
You are a girl.
Not a woman.
A girl.
There's something wrong here.

You align stars,
I try to decode constellations.
There has to be a stronger word to describe you
Stronger than beautiful.
And what's a stronger word
For the imposing fear I feel?
Are we just circles?

I ignored your call last night.
Last minute.
I had to make a choice.
I chose to text you instead.
No response.

I went to your graduation because I love you
I love our friendship
Truth is
It killed me to see what I missed out on.

I have no idea why you are trying to inch yourself back into my life
For what purpose?
Aren't we different people now?
I can never be that girl you met that summer.
She's buried.
I'm newborn.
What do we have to talk about?

I'm breaking rules here.
Because this is a ten to one.
Ten different things
You wish you could say
To ten different people.
I'm featuring you here again.
Do you believe in Never Say Nevers?

*Now it's showertime. And time to work on a freewrite I wrote before.
Haven't written a poem in a while.
Trying to branch off into different themes.
Trying to keep my identity stitched between line breaks
And word phrasing
And overused metaphors.
Maybe...
It's time I try something new?*