Baby Steps.

*Baby steps back into my focus.

I've been so unfocused lately.

I need to start writing like I'm running again.*

There's just something about the way

Doubt sits in your spit

And the spit sits in your lie

The way the lie hits your breath

When you realize you loved me past Wednesday.

I cradle myself

Into routine baptism

Dunking away the denial

Rippling in the scream I've thrown you

You catch it like a cramp

In the crooked noose of your neck.

You disappear before I see you.

I know you were there.

Don't tell me this space never felt your presence

Cock eyed smile

Alley slanted grin

I know

You were standing next to me.

You leave me undefended.

I jerk around battles bigger

Than any nightmare. Closer

Than jolting backwards into arms

That could never jerk me forward in time.

I open my eyes

I take a deep breath

And thank the lucky stars for the solidness of bed sides.