So Sad.

This Is Cheyenne.

October 3rd, around 1 a.m. she became the victim of a stray bullet. She was shot in the back.

She was pronounced dead at Harlem Hospital.

She was only 17.

It is so heartbreaking, not only to her mother, not only to her family and friends, but just the story itself.

I didn't know her personally but I've seen her around. She lived around my neighborhood. My cousins were closest to her.

She is described as a sweet girl, always looking for laughter. It is such a tragic loss.

How many more have to fall victim to senseless shooting, to senseless violence, before something is actually done about it?

Enough is enough.

No one should have to pass on before they reach their prime.

R.I.P. Cheyenne.

Here's the article.

Homeless.

So I got kicked out of my own house last Friday.

The story:

Talked to my sis Rena at like 7 p.m. when I was leaving the nursing home from seeing Grandma.

Got in my house, chilled with my friend Amanda.

My cell phone in my bag in the other room.

My slow ass DSL plugged up into the main line of the phone.

Apparently Rena, Lena and Neicey (my 3 sisters) were trying to call me all night.

Rena busts through the front door (because Rena has a key) at like 12 a.m.

And it all goes downhill from there.

Here's where I'm at fault: I shoulda known these crazy women were gonna be calling me.

I shouldn't have been so careless as to think they would leave me alone for a night.

Because they "love me" too much.

Here's where Rena is at fault. She let her temper get the best of her.

And I really don't like it when people hit or choke me.

Here's where I'm at fault again:

I gave her a black eye.

UNINTENTIONALLY THOUGH!!!

Not my fault her eye was sensitive....

Anyway, my sisters took the keys to my house and they kicked me out.

I'm now staying with my godmother Kelly.

The fuckery is just so great it's ridiculous.

So here are my options:

1) Stay with Kelly and endure contacting my sisters for every little thing while knowing that I can't live in my own damn house for it...and continue to be unhappy

2). Fight for my apartment. Stay with a sympathetic relative .Change the locks. Call the cops because taking my keys is technically illegal...But then I wouldn't have any ties with them. As in relaionship wise, and plus they're still giving me money and things (I have no idea why, I remember Rena screaming "get the fuck out my life" so...)

or

3). Be on the street. Which isn't an option really.

I'm trying to get my school situation together, I had a job interview the other day, what more can I do?

Sighness...Just gonna do what I do best...

Bottle my emotions, make it into a weapon of mass destruction and throw it at people...

Figuratively of course.

Humor me, what's you're opinion?

From left to right: Rena, Lena, Me and Neicey.

Horrible, HORRIBLE, picture...

I Apologize...

Neglect. I know.

But when DSL makes ur internet connection go from an adolescent to senior citizen then you don't really want to do all the extra-ness of blogging.

Plus there's been drama within my household.

I got into a fist fight with my sister yesterday. And all three of my sisters don't want me to stay in MY apartment.

And they took my keys. So for now I'm gonna bide my time, then change the locks on them suckers.

But these blogs are going to be scarce. I have to take care of myself right now.

But don't worry I'll be back before you'll miss me.

Thanx for understanding.

Freedom?

I am angry.

GRRRRR!!!!

For no apparent reason at all.

Maybe it's my lack of freedom?

I think it's the lack of freedom.

My sisters are always trying to control my life....

I'm beholden to my friends because they need me....

I often feel pressure to be THIS WAY or THAT WAY...

I'm always someone's SISTER, someone's LOVER, someone's FRIEND, someone's CRUTCH, someone's GRANDDAUGHTER, someone's DAUGHTER, someone's CRUSH, someone's STUDENT, someone's ROLE MODEL...

And if I am all of these things....

Then I belong to each and every person who views me that way.

I feel like I give everything I have to these people, friends, sisters, boyfriends, other...

Take care of your Grandmother Keisha. Make sure she's fed, she's clean and her laundry is done.

Take care of the bills Keisha, get a job so you can pay the cable and the phone.

Where are you going today Keisha? Call me when you leave and when you get there and if I call you in between you better answer my calls.

Why don't we talk as often Keisha? Why do I always have to hit you up first?

Keisha I have a problem, can you stay on the phone with me while I whine about things for hours and hours and not even ask you about your day?

Pick up your godbrothers Keisha, because I can't right now.

Loan me some money, even though I won't give it back to you.

Get your grades up Keisha. Get your diploma.

Go to the rent office and make sure everything is in order.

Stop them from kicking you out of your apartment.

Get out of your apartment, you're not allowed to stay there.

Talk to me Keisha, because you have no choice.

Keisha

Keisha

KEISHA!

STOP!

Let me breathe....

(by the way i misspelled my name like seven times while typing this)

What do I have left to give ME?

For once I would just like to belong to no one but God and myself.

Fuck everybody else.

I think Anne Rice described it best in her book, The Vampire Lestat, where the mother speaks of her idea of freedom:

"I imagine going into the village and up into the inn and taking into my bed any men that come there--crude men, big men, old men, boys. Just lying there and taking them one after another, and feeling some magnificent triumph in it, some absolute release without a thought of what happens to your father or your brothers, whether they are alive or dead. In that moment I am purely myself. I belong to no one."

Yes. That's exactly it. Maybe not so much sexual freedom as the freedom to do whatever I please without caring about judgement...

Whatever I please....

It sounds so good.

And yet so very unattainable.

Oh well. I'm just gonna blast these thoughts out my head with music.

I'll have another story. Maybe later. Maybe not.

To my faithful followers...

GIMME YOUR AIMS!

Lol...

No but seriously, gimme ur aims and myspaces and emails.

AND BLOG LINKS! Some of you guys follow me and I KNOW you have your own blog but I can't find it :(

Give it to me please. I need something to read.

And I just came home the other day and I HAVE 36 FOLLOWERS!

(Pleasantly surprised. Actually gloating a little. Cheesy face on)

And also which one of you knows how to put pictures on this thing? Not the blog itself but the layout. Cause nearly all of you have it on YOUR blogs. I want to put my retarded pics up there too :(

On another note, I'm advertising again.

http://www.readgorgeously-satara.blogspot.com/

She is too real. She deleted her last blog against my will -_- but she's back at it. And I love it.

Lmao (remembering random things she says) She's too real.

Now...gimme those aims.