Friday, July 10, 2009

A More FORMAL Welcome Back...

Hello world. Back from the poconos as you can see....

It was really nice up there, must vacation again soon.

But hopefully not too soon.

Me and my friend Amanda went up to my pyschotic aunt's house to stay for the July 4th weekend....

Now she's always been a little off but this weekend just confirmed the fact she needs to be put in a loony bin.

Let's state the facts:

1. Singing "row, row your boat" in the car, at the dinner table or in polite company is MORE than a bit weird.

2. Talking to an 18 year old and even a 14 year old (my cousin Devon) like we are 3 doesn't sit well with us young teenagers.

3. Do you have to be extremely judgemental about everything? Isn't it enough that we all assume and judge IN OUR HEADS? Why say the stupidness out loud? Why??

4. Just because you are a Christian, doesn't mean you have to look down on other religions or people who choose not to have a religion.

5. You spoiled Devon soo much that he's bored to death and lonely, so when I come to see MY COUSIN, he has incestral behavior (incest: family members who date each other and/or marry and have kids. often with deformities).

6. She's one of those people who sincerely believes in whatever she believes in and doesn't understand why everyone doesn't believe in it because it makes that much sense to her.

7. "Row, row your boat" is not acceptable when buying fireworks.

She's a BIT off her rocker.

Now everything was cool on Friday, besides all of the questions she asked Amanda.

It started like this:

Amanda: Do you have anything else to eat besides pork? I don't like pork.

Aunt: Are you Hindu?

Amanda: Noo...

Aunt: Jewish?

Amanda: Noo....

Aunt: (names several MORE things including vegetarian)

Amanda: No, I just don't like pork.

Aunt: Well there has to be a reason WHY you don't like it.

Me: (in my head: The TASTE maybe?)

Why does she have to be labeled? Is she so different and out of the box that you have to create one to put her in?

And her husband seemed like a decent guy, except that he got excessively drunk and couldn't believe that two young girls from Harlem could be extremely intelligent. Really, he was in shock...

But here's the kicker:

She woke us up on Friday and Saturday. Sunday rolls around and we get up by ourselves, we wonder when we're going to go home.

Around 11 she storms through the guest room door and says

"OKAY! Time to get up, Church in 10 minutes!"


Amanda was looking at me like "bitch why you bring me up here?"

(she has bad experiences with church. She believes that most of them are either too commercial or not enough about the message. Plus it doesn't help that the last time she was in a church they wanted to peform an exorcism on her because apparently holy water burns her.....)

Amanda: I'm not really comfortable with church....

Aunt: What? What's the problem? Do you believe in a religion other than christian?

Amanda: I'm not in any religion, it's just that--

Aunt: But you said you're not Jewish right? Or Hindu? Or WITCH (she says this like you say DOG SHIT. And the correct term is Wicca you pyschotic crazy bitch.)

Amanda: O.O No I'm not but--

Aunt: So what, you got a problem with Jesus? Cause you can stay in the parking lot if you want.

{{Insert HUGEEEEEE silence HERE}}

Long story short, we stayed in the lobby and the church was one of those churches that got alot of funding, was very short and even had a gift shop. (rich white people live pretty good).

After the sermon, my aunt's friend came up to us and politely says:

"What the hell you doing here you heathens?"


S.M.H. Well I haven't gotten an invite back up there. I guess our "rebellion" pissed the crazy lady off pretty bad.

But bitch was straight DUCKY, how are we supposed to react??

*sighness* Family. Can't live with them, can't kill them cause you won't get money.

Oh the irony...


  1. hahaha we all have that crazy relative!

  2. lmao,I don't think there's anyone in existence without crazy relatives.

  3. i don't know who you are...but i came across this and i'm dying laughing at my job...the buckhead bettys here are probably wondering whats wrong with me