I Want This Necklace.

And a free trip to disney world please!

To The One I Call Chief Chasing Wind...

The problem with chasing wind is that you run blindly.

You will run out of breath trying.

And all us girls ever wanna do is make things solid.

Haiku 16

You said you fell while

Holding Diamonds in your hand.

Find me in the rough.

Oh My Sweet Baby Jesus....

Black Bird @ Urban Juke Joint


Click this. He is beautiful. You won't regret it.

Here We Go.

Ten to One time.

*insert round of applause*

Yayyy!

-____-

It's beginning to be very hard to stay bitter.
Maybe I've outgrown the negative.
Maybe it's just time to move on.
Yeah.
I can move on.
But he won't.

Your eyes are
The most intriguing
Confusing
Devious things I have ever gazed into.
You leave me feeling uneasy.
What are you really saying
When you look at me?
I don't think it's anything good.

I'm getting past the need for your approval.

I love you.
You annoy the living shit out of me.
I love you.
When you are in my house, do things my way.
You annoy the living shit out of me.
I love you.

I'm attracted to you.
Your body is amazing.
You are a girl.
Not a woman.
A girl.
There's something wrong here.

You align stars,
I try to decode constellations.
There has to be a stronger word to describe you
Stronger than beautiful.
And what's a stronger word
For the imposing fear I feel?
Are we just circles?

I ignored your call last night.
Last minute.
I had to make a choice.
I chose to text you instead.
No response.

I went to your graduation because I love you
I love our friendship
Truth is
It killed me to see what I missed out on.

I have no idea why you are trying to inch yourself back into my life
For what purpose?
Aren't we different people now?
I can never be that girl you met that summer.
She's buried.
I'm newborn.
What do we have to talk about?

I'm breaking rules here.
Because this is a ten to one.
Ten different things
You wish you could say
To ten different people.
I'm featuring you here again.
Do you believe in Never Say Nevers?

*Now it's showertime. And time to work on a freewrite I wrote before.
Haven't written a poem in a while.
Trying to branch off into different themes.
Trying to keep my identity stitched between line breaks
And word phrasing
And overused metaphors.
Maybe...
It's time I try something new?*

Haiku 15

I will burn bridges

I will cut all my branches

I'm not your apple.

I Miss This..

"‘Cause rather than deal with the fallacy of this dry ass reality

I rather dance and romance your sweet ass, in a wet dream

Who am I?

Well they all call me brother to the Night

And right now, I’m the blues in your left thigh

Trying’ to become the funk in your right

Is that alright? "

*I really want to see Love Jones now*

Late Night Inspiration

He said "I love the way you think,"

and I've been hooked ever since.

Electricity never knew broken

light bulbs like this.

Neither does he.


*Jihan Mckenzie. Sentences for days.*

For All 2010 Graduates

So I went to my friend Tzitzi’s graduation today. She spit a poem for the ceremony.

(Get ready for a soft ass moment here)

Of course it touched me (not inappropriately. she’s kinda amazing) because the message was so true. So I decided to share it with all of you graduates. Hopefully it inspires you to keep achieving and dreaming and all that good shit.

If you want to comment about the poem and you have me as a friend on facebook, you can check in my notes. Its the most recent one. Enjoy.

Little girl Art
Is a mixtape CD the radio would never put on rotation.
Too much truth lingers in her tongue
Over a hip hop beat tangled with a jazz sample.


She has the heart of a subway train performer somewhere in Union Square.
She’s not asking for much though,
Just tokens of appreciation in her Styrofoam cup of lyrics
Her mother tells her to keep her head up ….
As if she’s having staring contests with the clouds
Because the gravity of life is so quick to put you down.


Discouraged in her skin,
She puts her head facing the ground.
Asks herself what is the reason for following her voice if no one cares to listen
Why bother chasing dreams,
When the jungles in between seem only to break her self esteem
Life is a game with no teams.


She wants to be a successful musician - not a celebrity
She knows the paparazzi camera lenses
Are just the eyes of critics ready to mimic her strength,
They only want to snake her,
never build her, only break her,
Cause the cameras only take enough to make you fake.


Mommy says,
It’s not about what they can dance to,
It’s about what they can relate to.
Your music has the heart of a million dead legends
You can’t quit.
Too many people live nightmares never chasing their dreams -
And I swear you have the will to find a way.
Dreams are always closer than they appear like side-view mirrors.
Just look once in a while.


Talk like you own your destiny.
Walk like the inside of a gun barrel,
Never let them tell you that you don’t have enough fire in you.
Breathe off passion.
Live off your talent
Never let the cameras, and radio stations define you.
Never let a speed bump in the road get you off track jack,
You’ll be fine, you can get through the rough.
Life is tough.
But never enough a game one can’t win in.


Little girl Art
Stays true to self
Keeps her dreams quilted around the fiery cage of her walk.
She breathes a thousand tomorrow’s
Custom made for the voice of a thousand dead legends,
She is the mixtape
Gone in the wind for every dream a man,
Or woman has made a U-turn from
Needing the radio to remind them..
They are not alone.

She, too, once neglected her destiny
Only to find that living a life that wasn’t on her to-be list
Was the same as living a life that wasn’t her own
Mommy tells her,
In life, there are two streets.
The one that’s yours,
And the one you’ll learn not to take again.


Choose your path,
Be the soldier on the lines of the etch-a-sketched life you create,
Right, left, right, left
Be right in all you do even if it’s considered left field,
Never let your dreams be left unreal
Just..
Do what makes you happy.


Clouds
Just make the sky seem further,
But never let it candy coat your eyes in
Believing things are impossible.


Little girl Art
Is the Mixtape CD somewhere inside your heart right now..
And she wants to let you know,
That dreaming big…
Is the same…
As dreaming possible.

Random Thoughts On a Friday

No one should ever be afraid to say "I love you".


But here I am.


Spit mangling mono-syllables


Tonsils cradling soundwaves


Because the waves of my tongue make it sound soo


Death chamber.


I would sing it to you


But I'm not familiar with electric chair harmonies.


Is this fear necessary?


*yeah that was mad random.*

Quote Of The Day

"Oral sex

is proof

that God understands me & what life is about.

Saturday night

is the reason I go to Sunday service.

To give THANKS."
That's funny.

It's About That Time...

My weekly 10 - 1.

Not weekly but it sounded nice.

I don't know what happened.
I don't care what happened.
I just want to hold onto this a bit longer.

We were on the same side of the coin
Somehow we flipped.
I don't know how that happened.

I'm sorry I'm not around as much.
I'm sorry I'm not the same girl you left that summer day.
Evolve with me. My hands are empty without you sis.

I need to see you soon.
I'll stop by your office.
Chica, I don't really know where my head is at nowadays
But I plan to keep you posted.
Muddle brained and all.

I think I have a better chance now.
Are you worried?

I hope you know I don't give a flying fuck about your feelings.
That's just how it is.
I'm an asshole about it
But...
I can't find it in me to care.
Oh well.

Sorry we haven't really spoken this past month.
I find it more relaxing and calm to retreat into my own mind
My own world
Than keep up with someone else's.
I'm a bad friend for this.
I'm working on it.

I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
I hope one day you'll stop being so childish.
I can't stand your bitterness.
Genuinely smile for once.

You are a drunk bastard.
So stuck in the bottom of your bottle...
Good luck with that.

At times I find myself wondering what you're doing.
Then I remember how much of a dusted grease ball you are
And change the mental channel.

*Kanye Shrug*


That felt good.

Fact:

I fuck with people on the train.

I'll get off on my stop...


Turn to the people staring at me through the window...


And flip em off.


Good times.

Haiku 14

I'm the one with Faith.

There are times it falters. Still

My fingers feel it.

The Reason I Haven't Seen You Yet...

And the reason we haven't talked about it yet is...

"I'm not sure if I'm still respected,


And I'm not in a rush to feel rejected..."


Not by YOU.

Obsessed With This.

"Lesson Learned"
(feat. John Mayer)

He broke my heart
And now it's raining
Just to rub it in
I'm at your door
I feel so crazy about it
You'll say I told you so
You saw it long ago
You knew he had to go
I finally came 'round
I'm back on solid ground
Can't let it get me down

It's alright
It's alright
It's alright

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Sometimes
Some lies
Can take a minute
To fully realize
His tears
Your eyes
Thirty seconds to apologize
You give it one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already know you'd give a hundred more
Until that night in bed
You wake up in a sweat
You're racing to the door
Can't take it anymore

I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Life perfect
Ain't perfect
If you don't know what the struggle's for
Falling down ain't falling down
If you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past cause I'm getting past
And I ain't nothing like I was before
You ought to see me now

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

I Felt Like Singing.

Haiku 13

What I wouldn't give

To be your favorite clothing

You treat it better.

Currently.

10 to 1

I might as well.

Oh and shout out to my dear friend who is stalking this site.

Can you tell if you are featured in this one?

I find myself resenting you.
It's not right.
You've done nothing wrong
(but hurt me)
And I should take responsibility for my actions.
But really,
Sometimes I resent you.

Don't act like you don't know me.
It's still me, I never changed.
I'll be here when you come back.

I've been meaning to call you for some time now.
I'm not afraid. Maybe a bit lazy.
But really, what do we have to talk about?

There may be hope for us yet.

I deleted you out of my life again.
I thought I would be able to establish some sort of friendship with you.
But after all of this...
After everything that went down...
And after all of the undeserved disrespect you've been throwing on my name...
I could care less about you.
I'm angry over the situation.
There's nothing I can do about that.
But you will not be in my future.
I hope you find what you're looking for.
And by the grace of God, have the best.
But if we ever cross paths again
There will be no smiles
There will be nothing friendly
I cast stones on the day that I introduced myself.

What ever happened to benefit of the doubt?
I am a decent person.
Must be a guy thing.
Or an idiot thing.
I think you are brilliant.
But sadly misguided.
It will be a while before I forgive you for this.

You are probably jumping for joy right now.
I would be too.
But the difference between you and I is that
I know better.

Just like my eyes tell a story,
So do yours.
I wonder about what I'm really reading.

You were like the big sister I wanted.
I don't call you because
I'm ashamed of what you might see.

You will be gone before I know it,
But I know you can do this.
I know that you will succeed.
I can't wait to celebrate.

Temptation.

Everyone has an issue with temptation.


And it appears to me in the most attractive of forms.


I remember this each time it comes to me:


No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.
And God is faithful;
he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.
But when you are tempted,
he will also provide a way out
so that you can stand up under it. - 1 Corinthians 10:13


And I'm stronger than you think.

Inspiration of the day

via Twitter:

"Have faith that your life is happening exactly the way its intended to.

Your miracles will come as soon as they're perfected for you."



My friend Lauren sent this to me because she loves me.

Follow her @bunnieface

And me @sun_painting.

Take that quote to heart.

Real Rap.

I've been feeling really down lately.

I've been taking a second look at everything I have done in my past



I've been re-evaluating who is going to make it my future.



It's been a tough week so far.



Anywho



Yesterday I was sharing personal secrets with a new friend



I opened up about what I think ruins all of my relationships



And how my guy's ego is so heavy that it's keeping me down.



So of course she fell asleep on me -_-



(like always)



But I woke up this morning to this text message:


"I think that you're beautiful, and that faults are inevitable.
If he's not prepared to help you grow then...
Deuces."


I'm posting this on my blog so I always remember.


Anyone can always be quick to judge


Quick to down you


Quick to leave.


The ones who stick with you during the most painful time


During your most shameful time


Are the ones worth keeping.


As for him and his ego...


I hope he sees that this feeling will pass. I'm still the same person.


With a few mistakes on my belt


And a few whelps from the lessons beaten into me.


If he loves me, he'll grow with me.

I hope he will.

July 7th Second Freewrite

Today

I loved like graves and gravel

Heartbeats

Their silhouette splattered across shit and soil

He went digging.

Made me a crude effigy

Of half-hearted eulogies

And blew farewells that went sailing

In Brooklyn's stale air.

Each beat

Was in tune

With the raspy silence of a funeral.

He went digging.

Past the broken shards of my window opened ribcage

He unlocked the fingertips that glued my secrets together

He tore at the weak adhesive of my words

While I broke bread with the dusted bones

Of the woman I was before him.

Digging.

He buried me below sea level

I could feel his disgust behind

The chipped white of my chattering teeth

He couldn't feel the remorse beneath

The quivering wrinkles of my lifelines.

A funeral.

A watery grave

I felt his silence

Swimming in my eyelids

His absence

Gripping onto my lashes

Like erased love letters

Like a thief's forgotten tear drops

Like messages chopped, bodied and bottled

In apathetic seas.

The ocean doesn't care who it enters

It entered my lungs

Tickled the bubbles of my breath

I was choking on apologies.

Your lips are life jackets

Jerking away from me

In another world

3 Feet above the surface

Away from me. No wonder

I stopped struggling.

No wonder I stopped swimming.

I'm sorrys

Just don't float

As easy

As they used to.

(feels like its missing something. thoughts?)

Haiku 12

Pride will be the death

Of us. Love me like your skin.

Please just stop scratching.

Lately...

10 to 1.

Because it is needed.

Homie,
You need more faith in yourself.
I can't carry you on the bridge of my wings
When doubt is heavy on your back.
Fly like you were meant to.

I saw you today and I was jealous.
Yes I admit it.
I was jealous.

I really want to borrow money from you.
But I don't want to pay it back.
And I'm not a fan of asking.

I have the biggest budding crush on you

Its unhealthy
Makes me feel annoying
And will not end well.
A girl can hope though, right?

I don't know how to be
Who I am now
Around you.
You reduce me to a girl of 16
Not a woman of shaking knees
With 19 years upon the crown of her head.
I don't want to talk to you.

I don't know how to stay mad at you.
I don't want to stay mad at you.
I don't want to be treated this way.
I won't.

I wish you were still alive
To tell me the stories of my heritage.
I'm sure they were beautiful.
Rain dance beautiful.

When are you going to want me like you should?
Any day now?
Ever?
I should quit now.
It's not like if I left
You would notice.

I've never been able to walk backwards
Maybe that's why I always feel your arms
From behind.
I left you in my past years.
What makes you think
You are bold enough
To stay in my new year?

I've already done this.
I don't need to learn this lesson twice.
Yeah you're a totally different guy
But the message is the same.
The actions are the same.
That's why I don't call you.

*Venting over*

Haiku 11

I wear my heart like

I leave my fingerprints. There

Will be no hiding.

Haiku 10

There is a gaping hole

In the place of you're heart. You've

Rotted around it.

Haiku 9

Questions of science

Science and progress, don't speak

As loud as my heart.

It's None Of Your Business.

I really despise people who talk to you like they know everything.

A young man came up to me the other day saying he knew this and that.


He was basically saying that he could read me and that he knew all there was to know about me and my friend's relationship.


Of course he was talking out of ignorance.


And that's fine if you THINK you know something.


Go ahead.


By why step to me with the bullshit,


Aggravate me,


And make an ass out of yourself?


All of this was completely unnecessary.


So I wrote a little something for him...

Boy
You have never been beautiful
Your smile is ugly
Heavy from the arrogance its been lifting
The screech of your voice is skating towards me
Saliva thick with the ignorance you spit.


You are just a boy.
With scrawny limbs
And not enough weight on your tongue
To dishevel the truth of my stature



The next time your lips utter the foul breath of falsehoods
And your cheeks feel an obligation to blow them my way
I will sidestep them as always
Hand you a mint
And pray you survive this stage of puberty
Boy.

[HAIKU FOR DAT ASS!]

Step to me like a


Man. Stop hiding behind a


Boy's baggy trousers.

ASS.

Haiku 8

My thoughts whisper that

Ears strain for storms who never


Thunder. So I wait.

Haiku 7

I Love Like I Know

Better. I Knew You Before

Your Introduction.