Another Ex Story

"I wonder if there's even one in existence, enough to keep my attention to go the distance..."-Lloyd Banks

Help - Lloyd Banks

YAY! Return of the song quote posts!

Lol anywhoo...I was hanging with my friend, we'll call him L, and he was complimenting me (for once).

Anyone who knows me, SHOULD know that I'm a sucker for flattery.

He called me a great catch, and after all the blushing and ishh it got me thinking...

(flashback into another ex story)

If I was such a great catch, then why couldn't I catch one of my own?

This is Aaron.

He was my tenth grade boo.

Key word: Boo. Not boyfriend, not other half.

Our relationship was based on my infallible ability to ignore the fact that I was no more than a jump-off to him.

As much as I liked Aaron, he never wanted to be my boyfriend.

He was a great listener. Funny. Engaged in conversations actively.

Even when I was mad at him, he would make me smile. He was sweet.

Dude even had a little bit of style....

Problem with him was that he wanted his cake, your cake and and the cake batter as well.

We were dating. And while I had the impression he was dating other people, I never actually SAW it.

But he made the constant mistake of flirting with other girls in front of me.

And it really bothered me. But I didn't say anything (cause I'm stupid).

Eventually I asked him where we were going with "us" and he tells me he's not ready for a relationship.

So that was the end of that.

Time passes, we lose contact, he adds me on myspace...

Says how we should catch up...

We spent six hours on the phone that night.

He told me how much he wanted to really know me again, how much he wanted to get close to me and not only in an intimate way.

And I was just sitting there with my mouth half open like "Is This Aaron Really Talking?"

Talking about he was good for me, and just what I needed at the moment.

So I get very little sleep. Because all of those old feelings came STRAIGHT back...

I called him for 2 days straight and got no response. I hit him up on aim and he says he doesn't want any type of commitment and that he didn't want his words to be construed in that way...

Womp Womp.

You know what else came back? All that RESENTMENT and ANGER!

Like, why can't I get this dude? Am I not good enough? I think I'm a pretty decent partner.

There will be others but seriously, why couldn't I get one I really wanted?

In this obsession, I do the predictable.

I go onto his myspace.....

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If you haven't realized by now, myspace is the devil.

Not only does it say he's in a relationship, but it says in his about me "Wassup world, this ya boy

Aaron, as you can see I love my wife 10-27-07 I love You Baby...."

{Insert Pictures of them Kissing and 2 Other Pictures of Her on his page HERE}

Doesn't this sound familiar?

{Click HERE for the previous story}

What's up with this say one thing and your myspace says another trend? That shit is NOT cool...

But it really took a hit on my self esteem. Why did he keep slipping through my fingers?

(even though he's just a 'ain't shit mu-fucka' as Jen says).

I don't get it. It baffles me.

And ever since Aaron, I haven't been able to be interested in a relationship with my romantic partners (with one exception).

No one has really caught my eye like him.

And unfortunately, he was just another bad apple.

I feel like Snow White, choking on the poison.

Anyway just had to get it off my chest.

Bizzy Bizzy Bizzy...

Hello world. I'm gonna be a berry busy bee (ha! okay lame but still.) these next few days .

But trust me I got some stuff to write about.

From my current up-in-the-air living situation, to my grandma's crazy antics (click HERE and HERE thank you!) to another ex story (now that i think about it, i have alot of ex stories...).

POINT IS! I'll be back before you'll miss me.

Okay I gotta go, vacationing in the poconos (with my annoying ass aunt but she's paying and goddammit I need a break).

Happy 4th and shit.

To my faithful followers...

GIMME YOUR AIMS!

Lol...

No but seriously, gimme ur aims and myspaces and emails.

AND BLOG LINKS! Some of you guys follow me and I KNOW you have your own blog but I can't find it :(

Give it to me please. I need something to read.

And I just came home the other day and I HAVE 36 FOLLOWERS!

(Pleasantly surprised. Actually gloating a little. Cheesy face on)

And also which one of you knows how to put pictures on this thing? Not the blog itself but the layout. Cause nearly all of you have it on YOUR blogs. I want to put my retarded pics up there too :(

On another note, I'm advertising again.

http://www.readgorgeously-satara.blogspot.com/

She is too real. She deleted her last blog against my will -_- but she's back at it. And I love it.

Lmao (remembering random things she says) She's too real.

Now...gimme those aims.

S.London

Steven London.

http://s-london.blogspot.com/

Follow him. Read him. Love him.

You won't regret it.

I think it's that time again...

Here we are again. Another case of the ex story.

Don't you just love these entries?

Anyway this is Malcolm.

Nice abs, sucky attitude.

I met him when I was 15 and he was 18. He had a problem with my age but he's a dude, I'm a chick, and he went for it anyway.

He was 3 years older and couldn't believe a girl my age was so intelligent and had common sense.

And I must say, I'm one of a kind. I'm pretty strange but I'm not boring.

I forget how many months we were going out. All I remember is the stress from it.

He was rude and obnoxious. He got into my head and made me believe that I was soo special and then tried to bend me to his will every chance he got. He was insecure. A little bit possessive. Immature at the wrong times. One of those types where it's all about him. Whenever we have a conversation, it's always HIS goals (that he never fulfilled) or HIS dreams (which are unrealistic) or sex.

sex sex sex sex sex.

A turn off.

He was a libra. Freaky bastards.

I digress. He was so interesting at first. I loved our conversations. We talked about the future, school, getting jobs, college, clothes, people, weather, seasons...

He was such a refreshing face! I had just stopped going back to my first love and the dude I was dating in between was no longer interested in me.

And here comes this attractive guy, with good conversation, nice teeth and skin...

I'm was mostly influenced by the movie Love Jones though. It had just came on 20 mins before I met Malcolm. I took it as a sign.

Can you blame me?

Our first argument:

Me: I don't smoke weed. And you can't pass that test you need for your job if you keep doing it.

Him: *Rolls a blunt and inhales* Mhm.

Me: Bye Malcolm

Him: *laughing* you mad?

Me:*storms out*

That first argument led to other arguments about me cheating on him, seeing other dudes, not doing what he wanted in bed...

On and on and on for months.

I remember very clearly, I had a very bad day. I needed him to support me emotionally.

He was nowhere to be found. Wouldn't answer my calls. And when he did and I complained about his bullshit, I get this response:

Malcom: Look I don't have time to hear you scream okay. I'm trynna do what I wanna do. I work now. I got a job. I don't want to hear all of this.

Me: But you said you were going to be there for me.

Malcolm: When I said I was gonna be there for you, I didn't mean it literally!

.......

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Sad part is: He really said that shit. Just like that. I'll never forget it.

And somehow I just let it roll off of me, but I didn't call him again. We lost contact over the years.

I found out he had sex with an old friend of mine and on his old myspace there are pictures of his new baby boy.

And every now and again he would message me and try to reach me but I was still too angry to even take notice.

Fast Forward to today:

Message on myspace. He sends his number. Says hey, it's been a long time, I would really like to catch up.

So I call. It's been 3 years. I'm bored and cranky, why the hell not?

It starts off a little awkward, but he's asking me how I've been, how old I am now, what I've been up to, school, college, etc...

Strike 1: SO are you single now? he asks.

Why the flock would YOU wanna know negroe? Why is it any of your concern? I ain't going backwards to your rude and crazy ass.

Strike 2: (Talks mostly about himself and career goals for 45 mins)

*Please note, I stayed on the phone this long because my aim buddies suck. Alot. And sleep was not an option. Followers, do you have aim? Let's chat so we can avoid another situation like this*

Strike 3: Malcolm: "it's almost a yr to the day we started talking. and don't think im trynna get with u or nothin, oh no it's nothing like that but remember we said if it didn't work out we would meet back up when u were 18"

SO WHY BRING IT UP THEN?

What's your game, Malcolm cuz I really DON'T feel like playing.

Plus I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER SAYING THAT SHIT!

And the kicker of the story!!!

Strike FOUR: Have you ever lived one of your fantasies? Because I would love to see you (insert explicit nature of threesome here)

Me:..........Listen i got some1 on the other line so ima speak to u another time.

Malcolm: alrite but call me when----

CLICK!

The fuckery. The pure, unadulterated fuckery. The nerve. His own kid should smack him for that one.

Just no words. Again. I sure know how to pick them. SMH!

Needless to say he won't get a call back. Moral of the story: Keep the skeletons in the closet. They're ugly to look at in broad daylight.

The things I do out of boredom.

And the winner is!!

Welp! I just been tagged on the honest scrap award by the beautifully flawed one :).

I have to write down ten honest truths about myself.

This shall be veryyy interesting!

1. I think I am a dormant raging homo. NOW WAIIIIT A MINUTE! I ain't do no freak nasty with any chicks, it's just that I love looking at women. And lesbian porn. So sue me.

2. I heart porno. There's just something about it that makes me both cringe internally and appreciate the wonders of it all. Cherokee, Cherokee, Cherokee...

3. I didn't know what a "pussy" or a "dick" was until I was 13. While everyone else around me was learning all of this I was off wondering why sailor moon stopped coming on toonami.

4. I'm the jealous type. Most of my exes know this. At times I can reign in my jealousy and other times I'm particularly good at hiding it. But in the end, I wanna kill you. And the bitch who was staring at you across the classroom, two seats to the left in the third row.

5. I love LOOKING at kids. I hate INTERACTING with MOST kids. What some people don't get is that children are monsters and very very cruel. They laugh at retarded kids shamelessy (and while adults do that too, its not the adults who scar the retarded kids. its the raggamuffins) and do other horrible things like raid your panty draw or throw up on ur $80 white blouse. Bastards.

6. I hate hate HATE my legs. They're soo SKINNY and I have to shave wayy too often for my liking. My legs do NOT compliment me in skirts or shorts. To the contrary, they make me look more like a 14 year old. And the knees are wobbly. WHO LIKES WOBBLY KNEES? My sister calls me Chicken for a reason.

7. I don't do white guys but I would do Ryan Zimmerman, class of 2010. Just throwing that out there...

8. The phrase "I'll call you back" absolutely IRKS me to NO end! No matter how necessary it may be.

9. My ex-boyfriend Malcolm used to pyschologically abuse me. I blocked most of that relationship out of my mind but some scars will always stay with you. Literally.

10. I don't know how to ride a bike, nor do I want to learn. When I was younger, I was always forced to go to the annual block party. I HATED it. I hated the crowd and I hated the hyper little boys who used to ride and skateboard around me all the damn time. One time, I was walking with some Kool-Aid in my hand. All I was doing was crossing the street. It was some goodass Kool-Aid because it had all of my attention. I didn't even see the boy on the bike coming until he was damn near on top of me. I got ran over by a bike and the Kool-Aid went flying all over the street. Fuck My Life

Now I must give this wonderful award to five other bloggers.

AND THE WINNERS ARE...

1. Satara (haha)

2. Starz :)

3. ZIGGY!

4. Ashante :D

5. Steven ;-)

Enjoy.

Epiphany of the Day

Shout outs to all the people who actually read my blog.

The old and the new.

You guys make me actually wanna write more entries :)

And it's so weird. This followers thing. It reminds me of people actually listening to me.

Shocker.

Anywhoo, I blogstalk enough to know that when one is randomly looking through a person's blog, something about it must stand out.

Something has to be interesting to catch someone's eye to make them want to read more.

Or follow you.

And frankly I feel that

that

is alot

of effing pressure!

I mean I'll gladly give my readers something to read but what about all those unknown faces I want to reach out to?

I've been on alot of people's blogs and left feeling like I just wasted my time trying to see if this person's point of view is something that interests me.

It's like you have to have 1 impressive blog up, thats RECENT and isn't old. (you have to be REALLY special to make me go through all of your old posts).

That's why I love you guys who actually sit there and read my pyscho babble.

I could be boring and bland and sucky

or just not your cup of tea.

But there you guys are. To my right. Gradually building in size.

I have 28 followers today.

Tomorrow who knows?

Maybe we could build an army.

Yes?

Yes???

No?

Fiiiine.

But I'll be back with that idea!