Huge Sigh.

I buy a wonderful blackberry curve for half its price.

Bought it off a friend.

Everything was going great.

And someone spills juice on it and it won't turn on.

I am back at home.

I have a roommate now. One of my best friend's since high school.

She doesn't have a key yet.

I wanted to go out tonight.

Can't contact her because of my phone.

I get locked in because I can't lock her out.

Oh and by the way...

I'm broke. No insurance on that phone.

No way to buy a new one.

And the day started off so perfect.

I woke up to a beautiful morning call.

Counted my blessings, made it to all my appointments on time.

I smiled.

And now this happens.

Huge Sigh.

I'm gonna go sit and sulk. Because that's the only way I'm passing
time tonight apparently.

*pout face*

Homeless.

So I got kicked out of my own house last Friday.

The story:

Talked to my sis Rena at like 7 p.m. when I was leaving the nursing home from seeing Grandma.

Got in my house, chilled with my friend Amanda.

My cell phone in my bag in the other room.

My slow ass DSL plugged up into the main line of the phone.

Apparently Rena, Lena and Neicey (my 3 sisters) were trying to call me all night.

Rena busts through the front door (because Rena has a key) at like 12 a.m.

And it all goes downhill from there.

Here's where I'm at fault: I shoulda known these crazy women were gonna be calling me.

I shouldn't have been so careless as to think they would leave me alone for a night.

Because they "love me" too much.

Here's where Rena is at fault. She let her temper get the best of her.

And I really don't like it when people hit or choke me.

Here's where I'm at fault again:

I gave her a black eye.

UNINTENTIONALLY THOUGH!!!

Not my fault her eye was sensitive....

Anyway, my sisters took the keys to my house and they kicked me out.

I'm now staying with my godmother Kelly.

The fuckery is just so great it's ridiculous.

So here are my options:

1) Stay with Kelly and endure contacting my sisters for every little thing while knowing that I can't live in my own damn house for it...and continue to be unhappy

2). Fight for my apartment. Stay with a sympathetic relative .Change the locks. Call the cops because taking my keys is technically illegal...But then I wouldn't have any ties with them. As in relaionship wise, and plus they're still giving me money and things (I have no idea why, I remember Rena screaming "get the fuck out my life" so...)

or

3). Be on the street. Which isn't an option really.

I'm trying to get my school situation together, I had a job interview the other day, what more can I do?

Sighness...Just gonna do what I do best...

Bottle my emotions, make it into a weapon of mass destruction and throw it at people...

Figuratively of course.

Humor me, what's you're opinion?

From left to right: Rena, Lena, Me and Neicey.

Horrible, HORRIBLE, picture...

A More FORMAL Welcome Back...

Hello world. Back from the poconos as you can see....

It was really nice up there, must vacation again soon.

But hopefully not too soon.

Me and my friend Amanda went up to my pyschotic aunt's house to stay for the July 4th weekend....

Now she's always been a little off but this weekend just confirmed the fact she needs to be put in a loony bin.

Let's state the facts:

1. Singing "row, row your boat" in the car, at the dinner table or in polite company is MORE than a bit weird.

2. Talking to an 18 year old and even a 14 year old (my cousin Devon) like we are 3 doesn't sit well with us young teenagers.

3. Do you have to be extremely judgemental about everything? Isn't it enough that we all assume and judge IN OUR HEADS? Why say the stupidness out loud? Why??

4. Just because you are a Christian, doesn't mean you have to look down on other religions or people who choose not to have a religion.

5. You spoiled Devon soo much that he's bored to death and lonely, so when I come to see MY COUSIN, he has incestral behavior (incest: family members who date each other and/or marry and have kids. often with deformities).

6. She's one of those people who sincerely believes in whatever she believes in and doesn't understand why everyone doesn't believe in it because it makes that much sense to her.

7. "Row, row your boat" is not acceptable when buying fireworks.

She's a BIT off her rocker.

Now everything was cool on Friday, besides all of the questions she asked Amanda.

It started like this:

Amanda: Do you have anything else to eat besides pork? I don't like pork.

Aunt: Are you Hindu?

Amanda: Noo...

Aunt: Jewish?

Amanda: Noo....

Aunt: (names several MORE things including vegetarian)

Amanda: No, I just don't like pork.

Aunt: Well there has to be a reason WHY you don't like it.

Me: (in my head: The TASTE maybe?)

Why does she have to be labeled? Is she so different and out of the box that you have to create one to put her in?

And her husband seemed like a decent guy, except that he got excessively drunk and couldn't believe that two young girls from Harlem could be extremely intelligent. Really, he was in shock...

But here's the kicker:

She woke us up on Friday and Saturday. Sunday rolls around and we get up by ourselves, we wonder when we're going to go home.

Around 11 she storms through the guest room door and says

"OKAY! Time to get up, Church in 10 minutes!"

.............................................................................................................................

Amanda was looking at me like "bitch why you bring me up here?"

(she has bad experiences with church. She believes that most of them are either too commercial or not enough about the message. Plus it doesn't help that the last time she was in a church they wanted to peform an exorcism on her because apparently holy water burns her.....)

Amanda: I'm not really comfortable with church....

Aunt: What? What's the problem? Do you believe in a religion other than christian?

Amanda: I'm not in any religion, it's just that--

Aunt: But you said you're not Jewish right? Or Hindu? Or WITCH (she says this like you say DOG SHIT. And the correct term is Wicca you pyschotic crazy bitch.)

Amanda: O.O No I'm not but--

Aunt: So what, you got a problem with Jesus? Cause you can stay in the parking lot if you want.

{{Insert HUGEEEEEE silence HERE}}

Long story short, we stayed in the lobby and the church was one of those churches that got alot of funding, was very short and even had a gift shop. (rich white people live pretty good).

After the sermon, my aunt's friend came up to us and politely says:

"What the hell you doing here you heathens?"

.......................................

S.M.H. Well I haven't gotten an invite back up there. I guess our "rebellion" pissed the crazy lady off pretty bad.

But bitch was straight DUCKY, how are we supposed to react??

*sighness* Family. Can't live with them, can't kill them cause you won't get money.

Oh the irony...

Timing

"You've hit your one wall, now find a way around..."- Paramore

For a Pessimist Im Pretty Optimistic - Paramore

I had a conversation with someone very close to me about timing.

It seems that we as humans are always wanting and wishing for something good to happen.

Problem is, it takes so goddamn long that we often lose hope.

As this person once said "I hate waiting. It feels like a part of me dies inside."

I feel him.

I'm patient with certain situations but what the hell am I supposed to do about the desire or urgency I feel?

I can't help it if I want things to go right or to go my way. Don't blame me for how I feel. Maybe if fate/destiny wasn't being such a douche I wouldn't have so many shitty days.

EVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT??

Calming down now...

Back to timing.

As far as I know, we don't have any control over fate, destiny, or even the way the wind blows.

But we do have a say in how we feel as the day goes on.

What I mean is that yes certain situations depress you. But it's up to you to decide how long you're gonna feel sorry for yourself.

You don't have to be an optimist to force yourself to try and have a good day.

So basically, stop worrying about shit you cannot control. And start being proactive about the shit you can.

You can either deal with it or drown in it. Either way it's your life.

And I know what I'm doing with mine.

Money doesn't talk, It SCREAMS

"I take time arrange that (money)...You cannot get jack for free"-Drake

Money (remix) - Drake

I. AM. BROKE.

Empty pockets, counting pennies, begging for quarters type of broke.

FUCK THIS RECESSION!

I lost my keys, which means I have to pay $60 to get them replaced, not to mention I still have to pay my senior dues, pay for my senior pictures and the million other important things I still have to pay for.

I'm crying on the inside.

It seems that no matter what, the universe refuses to let me save or keep money.

And even worse, I'm a responsible (cheap-squeezing dollar) type of person. The one time I treated myself to something nice (I splurged on books. WHO DO YOU KNOW THAT SPLURGES ON BOOKS??) I end up needing that money.

Sometimes I think God hates me.

Like he's just laughing at all of the shit that makes my life so stressful.

Fucker.

The best things in life, like a child's laughter, fun with your friends, a beautiful day to play outside...are free.

BUT how can one provide for that laughing child (or to keep the child laughing. No one laughs on an empty stomach) without money?

Is it really that much fun when your friends want to go take the train downtown but u don't have $4 for a metro card?

And I don't know about the rest of you but I cannot enjoy a beautiful day if I know I don't have money for food or laundry.

But maybe it's just me.

I swear, I be wearing blue in the worst way...

Quote of the day: "You know I won't leave you but won't wait forever..." - Lupe Fiasco

This blog is for Steven.

And for any other person who feels like their relationship is at a standstill.

First things first: I'm not a fearless person. So if I'm taking the time out to show you an intimate part of me, you should respect it, and take care of that piece that I'm giving you.

Secondly: I'm not a fan of wasting time. So if I'm feeling a person I don't want to keep getting mixed signals. Say what you feel instead of talking to me for a few months (or years) and in the manner of a day or question, contradict everything you've already shown me.

Am I making any sense?

Long story short: If I kiss you, kiss me back. And mean it. Plain & simple.

Life is too short to be stressed about a boo or boy/girlfriend. It's too short to be stuck on sucky emotions. Yet ironically, these emotions and people are the things that make Life the most meaningful.

You gotta hand it to God. King of fucking IRONY.

This advice is for every person who has ever talked to a chick/dude and felt that they had to pull back their emotions because their boo wasn't showing the same type of love.

This is advice is also for every person who ever wanted to make a move but was too afraid of the outcome.

If it seems real and right then go for it. Fuck all those doubts and fears! You never know when you're gonna stop breathing.

But if it's too much bullshit floating around the situation, let it go. Life is too short to be stuck on negative energy.

Take that to the heart, for real.