I apologize...again

There's this thing called wifi right...

And it eludes me, ducks me....

You would think I was asking it for child support money.

*shrugging*

I got that bitch tonight!

Hello loves. I missed writing. Very very much.

I've been wrapped up in all of my thoughts and emotions lately...

Not the best place to be if those emotions are negative and unbearable...

I'm gonna tell you what it's like for me to like a guy:

I like him. He likes someone else.

Or is still involved with an ex.

Or not over his ex.

Or feels weird because I dated a mutual friend and it went nowhere. (this doesn't happen often, this is current. the first time).

I'm in one of those Kiss Me Back moments.

I keep begging for this guy to feel the same way as I do (internal begging, I would never say it out loud).

I doubt he even sees.

Or he sees more than he lets on. He's that type of guy.

And all of this wild goose chasing reminds me of a similar relationship we should all be familiar with:

Kermit the Frog and Ms. Piggy.

Now why Ol' Kermit and Ms Piggy?

Because Ms. Piggy was constantly chasing that ungrateful scrawny frog.

She would do anything for him, go anywhere for him...

She was a real ride or die bitch to be blunt.

And how does he repay her?

Flirts with other women in front of her. Blows her off to be with his friends.

And in one of their movies, The Muppets Take Manhattan, he even gave her the biggest insult of all:

They were legally married and he called her a friend!

After all the grief she went through?!

Granted she wasn't the thinnest woman.

Or the GREENEST woman.

She had an over-the-top, giggly, karate-chop personality.

I'll call her vivacious.

And KERMIT was always complainin about something. He was a dull character to me.

I'm just saying we all have had a Kermit in our lives.

And I am not very fond of kissing these frogs to get to my prince.

Excuse me, my KING.

SO! I will write Kermit this letter:

Dear Kermit the Frog, YOU. ARE. AN ASSHOLE! Can't you see how hopelessly devoted Ms. Piggy was to you? Granted she wasn't AS THIN as you or GREEN but she would ride or die for you. She went hard for your heart. And you constantly played her. You deserve to die a slow, torturous, SOBER, rat infested death for the way you treat good women. Or pigs. YOU ASSHOLE! I hope someone in chinatown eats you, you green bastard.

I'm done ranting.

And I promise myself to never settle for a Kermit.

If you kiss me then mean it. And do it often.

BTW: I Don't Care About Your Band by Julie Klausner fueled this.

Blame her for my low tolerance.

Until next time...

P.S. I WOULD have pics up but blogger is disagreeing with me at the moment. So they will have to wait until another time. URGH THIS POST LOOKS SO EMPTY! It's like an itch I can't scratch...

-__-

Lalala...

Random Interactions with Customers:

Me: Would you like any help ma'am?


Customer: Oh yes! Could you please tell me if this dress runs a bit big? You see the problem is that I'm really busty in the front with nothing in the back. Kinda like you!


Me:.....-_-....the fitting room is to the left. Have a great day.



BUT NO! IT DOESN'T END THERE! She proceeds to tell me about how she doesn't wear anything under her church robe. I won't even get into the rest. Only at Old Navy.


Anywhoooooo! Got my new laptop, it's a Toshiba and she was just in my price range.


Workin on getting this itouch I want.


But here is my new music obsession:


[WARNING: It's more of an alternative pop, sit your ass down and mellow out type of music.]







Her name is Jade. My friend MDot put me on to her and she's something new.

Something different.

Something I'm willing to try...

I love her song Beautiful Problems. Go look for it.

And on that not I am on to my next blog about my waning heterosexuality....

Don't worry. I'm straight mostly. LOVES!

P.S. STARZ!!! YOU SLIPPIN!! WHERE YOU AT???

Letter To All You Holiday Shoppers...

Dear Customers,

Although I appreciate your services, and the fact that by you shopping, I am employed...

Please do me a series of favors....

1. When you SEE ME and i do mean directly SEE ME trying to fix a messy display, respect it. I respect you by trying to make sure you can find whatever you're looking for. I'm not saying you gotta be all neat but just don't THROW THE FUCKIN TANK TOPS ALL OVER THE PLACE LADY. WTF? I JUST FIXED THEM! YOUR STUPID ASS DIDN'T EVEN ATTEMPT TO MAKE IT LOOK NEAT OR EVEN PUT IT IN THE RIGHT PLACE! And you sir! SHOES DON'T GO IN THE TANK TOP SECTION!

2. Please....Know what you want to buy when you are at the register. Don't get two bags worth of clothes and decide to sort it out at the register, knowing the lines are so damn long that they're going all the way to the entrance. STOP BEING AN INCONSIDERATE BASTARD FOR ONCE SO WE CAN ALL MOVE ALONG WITH OUR DAY!

3. Stop leaving your fuckin DIRTY PANTIES, PERIOD PADS and CONDOM WRAPPERS IN THE FITTING ROOM! It would be nice if you would stop ha

ving sex there too. But hey if you don't, when you come out of the fitting room after being there for over an hour i DEFINITELY have the right to ask if everything "fit okay". Or if you need a "bigger size".

4. If you leave weed in the fitting room, don't come back for it. It won't be there.

5. Guys would you please stop hitting on me on the salesfloor and in front of managers? It makes me look bad.

6. And finally, if I am courteous to you and have a smile on my face whenever you see me, I would appreciate the same courtesy. I work a 9 hour shift and I go to school so the fact that I have on a genuine smile at all is something to wonder about. If you're gonna act rude and obnoxious then you can take your cheap ass to expensive ass GAP and see if you can find a deal there.

[ side bar: I don't get why people were online at 3 a.m. on Black Friday for Old Navy when there is literally a sale EVERYDAY. It's OLD NAVY for pete's sake! ]

And now back to our regularly scheduled program.

As you can see, work at Old Navy is definitely an experience.

But this paycheck I should be able to buy my new laptop since I killed

my other one.

More blogs coming soon. I'm putting the spotlight on a couple people so that should be fun.

And also, new aim: IceAndAshes7. So hit me up.

SEE YA LOVES!

P.S. STARZ! WHERE YOU AT???

Random Tidbits...

............

Just looking at him makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Mmmm mmmm mmmm....

Anywho! An update on my life thus far.

Currently working at the Old Navy on 34th street.

Currently staying at my godmother's house where all the random funny shit happens.

Still not back in my apartment but don't worry I got a plan!

Back to my godmother!

She has to be one of the funniest people I have ever met in my life (besides my late aunt aka her mother).

We were eating dinner one night and she goes to water her plant. She named it after her late fiance Donald.

So she goes:

"Oh Donald you're so dry. I can't keep you so dry when you always used to keep me so wet..."

(silence here............

NOW LAUGHTER!)

She seriously cracks me up I can't take it!

She's almost as bad as grandma.

In other news, hi new followers!

My internet access is extremely limited but as soon as I can I will get to reading your links and following you and stuff.

People are actually pretty interesting nowadays.

But I'm on my way to a haunted house now. I fuckin love Halloween.

I'll write another time loves!

Violated Much?

Getting molested by lil' old ladies who are SENILE and do NOT speak ANY english is not fun.

At all.

Just ask me.

So I went to go and visit Grandma not too long ago (she's sarcastic as ever) and we're sitting in the cafeteria with the rest of the old ladies.

There's this one SHORT and i do mean SHORT, like 4 foot 11 hispanic lady talking to me in spanish.

And I don't have a clue what she is saying.

So naturally I look to Grandma for a little advice of how to continue this conversation.

Grandma is listening to the lady and nodding and smiling so I'm following grandma and now I'm nodding and smiling...

And this short lady goes and grabs me, HARD by the arm, and starts talking even more passionately on some Drag Me To Hell shit

(wanna know what's even creepier? the short lady kinda looks like this one).

So now I'm REALLY creeped out and my face is all like O_O when the lady starts laughing...

She then goes to hug me, which turns into her kissing my forehead...

......my cheek....

......my NECK (and by this point I'm BEYOND uncomfortable...)....

And she starts rubbing her hands on my breasts.

And not just a tap like she wanna play with drums or something.

NOOO! She's rubbin them like she just can't seem to brush the dirt off of them.

I jump up and all I look to my grandma who isn't paying me ANY attention...

And I run downstairs to get some fresh air.

Cause seriously...what the hell I'm gonna do? Call the cops on an old lady?

Have the nurses send her to her room?

It's just a lose-lose situation for me.

(insert sigh here)

I'm gonna go lay down and just pretend like none of that ever happened...

oH! By the way...

Miss me much?

It's sad...

It's sad when the only place you can really trust to express your feelings is on a social network.

Because people in general are untrustworthy lint infested little bastards.

Sometimes.

Damn, I sound like a pessimist.

eww.

But random food for thought.

Homeless.

So I got kicked out of my own house last Friday.

The story:

Talked to my sis Rena at like 7 p.m. when I was leaving the nursing home from seeing Grandma.

Got in my house, chilled with my friend Amanda.

My cell phone in my bag in the other room.

My slow ass DSL plugged up into the main line of the phone.

Apparently Rena, Lena and Neicey (my 3 sisters) were trying to call me all night.

Rena busts through the front door (because Rena has a key) at like 12 a.m.

And it all goes downhill from there.

Here's where I'm at fault: I shoulda known these crazy women were gonna be calling me.

I shouldn't have been so careless as to think they would leave me alone for a night.

Because they "love me" too much.

Here's where Rena is at fault. She let her temper get the best of her.

And I really don't like it when people hit or choke me.

Here's where I'm at fault again:

I gave her a black eye.

UNINTENTIONALLY THOUGH!!!

Not my fault her eye was sensitive....

Anyway, my sisters took the keys to my house and they kicked me out.

I'm now staying with my godmother Kelly.

The fuckery is just so great it's ridiculous.

So here are my options:

1) Stay with Kelly and endure contacting my sisters for every little thing while knowing that I can't live in my own damn house for it...and continue to be unhappy

2). Fight for my apartment. Stay with a sympathetic relative .Change the locks. Call the cops because taking my keys is technically illegal...But then I wouldn't have any ties with them. As in relaionship wise, and plus they're still giving me money and things (I have no idea why, I remember Rena screaming "get the fuck out my life" so...)

or

3). Be on the street. Which isn't an option really.

I'm trying to get my school situation together, I had a job interview the other day, what more can I do?

Sighness...Just gonna do what I do best...

Bottle my emotions, make it into a weapon of mass destruction and throw it at people...

Figuratively of course.

Humor me, what's you're opinion?

From left to right: Rena, Lena, Me and Neicey.

Horrible, HORRIBLE, picture...

I Apologize...

Neglect. I know.

But when DSL makes ur internet connection go from an adolescent to senior citizen then you don't really want to do all the extra-ness of blogging.

Plus there's been drama within my household.

I got into a fist fight with my sister yesterday. And all three of my sisters don't want me to stay in MY apartment.

And they took my keys. So for now I'm gonna bide my time, then change the locks on them suckers.

But these blogs are going to be scarce. I have to take care of myself right now.

But don't worry I'll be back before you'll miss me.

Thanx for understanding.

Weekend Fuckery...

Hold on tight folks, it's a long one...

Let's see if my writing skills are sharp enough to make this short.

My Weekend:

Went up to jersey to visit my cousin Raina .

She lives in hackensack. Wanted to go to Club Abyss in sayreville to see Pleasure P.

Btw, dude was twisted!


Saw lots of groupies. And lots of drunk men.

I had fun, but if I go to a club next time, remind me to go with a bunch of lesbians, they seemed to have more fun.

Anyway, we get out of the club at 2:00 a.m.

And the valet gives Raina her car back.

With 2 flat tires....

Now when we went to the club, our tires were fine.

WHICH MEANS:

a) someone slashed her DAD'S tires. mind u its not her car

or

b) the valet drove over something. bastards.

At this point they're rushing us to get off of the premises and by the time we do, we realize that we don't know how to change a tire.

We proceed back to the club where they tell us that because we already vacated the premises that there is nothing they can do.

And they're laughing.


2 of the bouncers were nice enough to help us...but they just made shit worse.

We needed a jack to elevate the car so they could try and change the tires.

What went wrong:

1. The spare tire was a flat tire and we needed another tire anyway

2. The only reason the jack was able to lift the car up high enough was because the tires were flat. Trying to put the tires back on resulted in...impossibility.

So it's 3 a.m. and we're stuck an hour away from Hackensack, with no food or money, an almost dead car battery and 2 flat tires. That aren't even on the car.

Plus this is Raina's DAD's car. So you know we in for some shit.

Especially since we found out that she didn't exactly tell him she was going to a club...

Raina, Raina, Raina...

So she calls Dad knowing she about to get her ass Kicked, smashed, Killed...

And he doesnt answer.

So now we're stranded.

How are we gonna get home???

We call a tow truck.

At 3:30 a.m.

And they're just down the street, like a mile away or so.

They didn't get to us until 6 a.m.

.........................................

My mosquito bites are atrocious.

But on TOP of all of that, we had to pay extra to get the tires put back on.




In short:





A night of fun at the club: $20






A ride home from the club in a tow truck : $275

Seeing the look on Raina's dad's face when we pulled up at 8 a.m. (IN THE RAIN) :





Priceless.




Atleast my outfit was cute:

A product of raiding Raina's closet.

What a night.

The Chronicles Of Grandma...Again

So for those of you who don't know, my grandmother is currently in a nursing home recovering from a broken hip...

I affectionately call her the bionic woman.

But I have two stories to tell here:

Story 1:

(back when she was in the hospital)

Me: Grandma why are you so mean? :(

Grammy: I'm not mean.

Me: :( Yes you are...

*commercial for some kids toy comes on t.v.*

Grammy: SHUT UP YOU BRATS!

Me: O.O grandma!

Grammy: What? *so nonchalantly I might add*

Me: You just said you weren't mean and then you just yelled at the kids on tv!

Grammy: I'm not mean if they can't hear me.

................................

LMAO! I find that quite hilarious and true.

Story 2:

*sitting with grammy at the nursing home with her 2 old lady friends. the darker one has threatened to hit another patient over the head with her cane and the hispanic one next to grandma is JUST getting started...

Dark Lady: *points to some man in a wheelchair* Is that a man?

Grammy: Yup.

Hispanic Lady: *THICK accent* Yeah it is and thats one ugly mother fucker.

Me & Amanda: O.O *LMAOOOO!*

Grammy: *laughing* That's not nice, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Hispanic Lady: Well what you want me to say? He's cute? He's an ugly motherfucker.

PART 2!

*nurses come in to give hispanic lady her shot*

Hispanic Lady: GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS!

Nurse 1: Calm down miss, this is for your diabetes

Hispanic Lady: SUCK MY PUSSY YOU BUMS!

Me and Amanda:.................................................

Grammy: *laughing*

Nurse 2: I got her *gives her the shot*

Hispanic: I hope you choke on my cum, you faggot.

Me and Amanda: ..............................!!!!

Hispanic Lady: I got something for your ass alright *picks up a butterknife and threatens the nurses with it*

Grammy: Don't you think you're gonna need something sharper than that? *picks up a FORK*

Now what the hell is up with my grandmother and effing FORKS!?! JESUS! (click the link smh).

I can't. I really can't. *dying of laughter*

Freedom?

I am angry.

GRRRRR!!!!

For no apparent reason at all.

Maybe it's my lack of freedom?

I think it's the lack of freedom.

My sisters are always trying to control my life....

I'm beholden to my friends because they need me....

I often feel pressure to be THIS WAY or THAT WAY...

I'm always someone's SISTER, someone's LOVER, someone's FRIEND, someone's CRUTCH, someone's GRANDDAUGHTER, someone's DAUGHTER, someone's CRUSH, someone's STUDENT, someone's ROLE MODEL...

And if I am all of these things....

Then I belong to each and every person who views me that way.

I feel like I give everything I have to these people, friends, sisters, boyfriends, other...

Take care of your Grandmother Keisha. Make sure she's fed, she's clean and her laundry is done.

Take care of the bills Keisha, get a job so you can pay the cable and the phone.

Where are you going today Keisha? Call me when you leave and when you get there and if I call you in between you better answer my calls.

Why don't we talk as often Keisha? Why do I always have to hit you up first?

Keisha I have a problem, can you stay on the phone with me while I whine about things for hours and hours and not even ask you about your day?

Pick up your godbrothers Keisha, because I can't right now.

Loan me some money, even though I won't give it back to you.

Get your grades up Keisha. Get your diploma.

Go to the rent office and make sure everything is in order.

Stop them from kicking you out of your apartment.

Get out of your apartment, you're not allowed to stay there.

Talk to me Keisha, because you have no choice.

Keisha

Keisha

KEISHA!

STOP!

Let me breathe....

(by the way i misspelled my name like seven times while typing this)

What do I have left to give ME?

For once I would just like to belong to no one but God and myself.

Fuck everybody else.

I think Anne Rice described it best in her book, The Vampire Lestat, where the mother speaks of her idea of freedom:

"I imagine going into the village and up into the inn and taking into my bed any men that come there--crude men, big men, old men, boys. Just lying there and taking them one after another, and feeling some magnificent triumph in it, some absolute release without a thought of what happens to your father or your brothers, whether they are alive or dead. In that moment I am purely myself. I belong to no one."

Yes. That's exactly it. Maybe not so much sexual freedom as the freedom to do whatever I please without caring about judgement...

Whatever I please....

It sounds so good.

And yet so very unattainable.

Oh well. I'm just gonna blast these thoughts out my head with music.

I'll have another story. Maybe later. Maybe not.

A More FORMAL Welcome Back...

Hello world. Back from the poconos as you can see....

It was really nice up there, must vacation again soon.

But hopefully not too soon.

Me and my friend Amanda went up to my pyschotic aunt's house to stay for the July 4th weekend....

Now she's always been a little off but this weekend just confirmed the fact she needs to be put in a loony bin.

Let's state the facts:

1. Singing "row, row your boat" in the car, at the dinner table or in polite company is MORE than a bit weird.

2. Talking to an 18 year old and even a 14 year old (my cousin Devon) like we are 3 doesn't sit well with us young teenagers.

3. Do you have to be extremely judgemental about everything? Isn't it enough that we all assume and judge IN OUR HEADS? Why say the stupidness out loud? Why??

4. Just because you are a Christian, doesn't mean you have to look down on other religions or people who choose not to have a religion.

5. You spoiled Devon soo much that he's bored to death and lonely, so when I come to see MY COUSIN, he has incestral behavior (incest: family members who date each other and/or marry and have kids. often with deformities).

6. She's one of those people who sincerely believes in whatever she believes in and doesn't understand why everyone doesn't believe in it because it makes that much sense to her.

7. "Row, row your boat" is not acceptable when buying fireworks.

She's a BIT off her rocker.

Now everything was cool on Friday, besides all of the questions she asked Amanda.

It started like this:

Amanda: Do you have anything else to eat besides pork? I don't like pork.

Aunt: Are you Hindu?

Amanda: Noo...

Aunt: Jewish?

Amanda: Noo....

Aunt: (names several MORE things including vegetarian)

Amanda: No, I just don't like pork.

Aunt: Well there has to be a reason WHY you don't like it.

Me: (in my head: The TASTE maybe?)

Why does she have to be labeled? Is she so different and out of the box that you have to create one to put her in?

And her husband seemed like a decent guy, except that he got excessively drunk and couldn't believe that two young girls from Harlem could be extremely intelligent. Really, he was in shock...

But here's the kicker:

She woke us up on Friday and Saturday. Sunday rolls around and we get up by ourselves, we wonder when we're going to go home.

Around 11 she storms through the guest room door and says

"OKAY! Time to get up, Church in 10 minutes!"

.............................................................................................................................

Amanda was looking at me like "bitch why you bring me up here?"

(she has bad experiences with church. She believes that most of them are either too commercial or not enough about the message. Plus it doesn't help that the last time she was in a church they wanted to peform an exorcism on her because apparently holy water burns her.....)

Amanda: I'm not really comfortable with church....

Aunt: What? What's the problem? Do you believe in a religion other than christian?

Amanda: I'm not in any religion, it's just that--

Aunt: But you said you're not Jewish right? Or Hindu? Or WITCH (she says this like you say DOG SHIT. And the correct term is Wicca you pyschotic crazy bitch.)

Amanda: O.O No I'm not but--

Aunt: So what, you got a problem with Jesus? Cause you can stay in the parking lot if you want.

{{Insert HUGEEEEEE silence HERE}}

Long story short, we stayed in the lobby and the church was one of those churches that got alot of funding, was very short and even had a gift shop. (rich white people live pretty good).

After the sermon, my aunt's friend came up to us and politely says:

"What the hell you doing here you heathens?"

.......................................

S.M.H. Well I haven't gotten an invite back up there. I guess our "rebellion" pissed the crazy lady off pretty bad.

But bitch was straight DUCKY, how are we supposed to react??

*sighness* Family. Can't live with them, can't kill them cause you won't get money.

Oh the irony...