In Honor Of...

To Write Love On Her Arms Day.

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement
dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

If you want to participate, all you have to do is write LOVE on your arm.

Take This To Heart.

Nobody comes back

The same as when they left.

The doorway is no longer a portal

To safety but the yawning gap

Between us.

We lost the keys,

Love, and broke off the knobs

A long, long time ago.

- “Our Feet on the Word Welcome” By Karen Ann Capco

Yes.

Here's some advice via my Swedish CupCake Jen.


"When saying goodbye is too much...


Just say I Love You.


And if they love you back,


Then of course they will understand."



So true.


Sometimes you just can't be afraid to be happy.


You can't be afraid that you won't make it through the free fall...


Sometimes we have to be more than a little brave.

Part 2 Of How I'm Feeling Right Now

Cute right?

Part 1 Of How I'm Feeling Right Now

"Don't let go too soon. But don't hang on too long."

-Mitch Albom

Don't hang on at all actually. See if someone catches you.

And with the disclaimer...

To go along with the post below:

Disclaimer.

The thing about the past is that it is so heavy...


Especially a distorted one.


I don't feel people need to know what went on between us...


But it seems like everyone has a different story to tell...


All I can say is if you knew me now...


You would know I've grown into my value.


That's why I cut all of the dead branches of my life


And pick the weeds.


Certain things just will never help me grow.


So do me a favor...


Leave the gossip where it lays,


Understand what you think you know is never what the facts are,


And float away.


I have enough to deal with as it is.


Love me where I stand or suck it.

And right now...

"I got used to the treadmill love

Where no matter how fast you run,

You're stuck at the starting point,

Only exhausted. "

(sara bareilles)

I've got to admit love.

I'm tired.

So tired.

I love myself more than this.

Maybe it's time I go.

To The One I Call Chief Chasing Wind...

The problem with chasing wind is that you run blindly.

You will run out of breath trying.

And all us girls ever wanna do is make things solid.

The Reason I Haven't Seen You Yet...

And the reason we haven't talked about it yet is...

"I'm not sure if I'm still respected,


And I'm not in a rush to feel rejected..."


Not by YOU.

Obsessed With This.

"Lesson Learned"
(feat. John Mayer)

He broke my heart
And now it's raining
Just to rub it in
I'm at your door
I feel so crazy about it
You'll say I told you so
You saw it long ago
You knew he had to go
I finally came 'round
I'm back on solid ground
Can't let it get me down

It's alright
It's alright
It's alright

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Sometimes
Some lies
Can take a minute
To fully realize
His tears
Your eyes
Thirty seconds to apologize
You give it one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already know you'd give a hundred more
Until that night in bed
You wake up in a sweat
You're racing to the door
Can't take it anymore

I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Life perfect
Ain't perfect
If you don't know what the struggle's for
Falling down ain't falling down
If you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past cause I'm getting past
And I ain't nothing like I was before
You ought to see me now

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Real Rap.

I've been feeling really down lately.

I've been taking a second look at everything I have done in my past



I've been re-evaluating who is going to make it my future.



It's been a tough week so far.



Anywho



Yesterday I was sharing personal secrets with a new friend



I opened up about what I think ruins all of my relationships



And how my guy's ego is so heavy that it's keeping me down.



So of course she fell asleep on me -_-



(like always)



But I woke up this morning to this text message:


"I think that you're beautiful, and that faults are inevitable.
If he's not prepared to help you grow then...
Deuces."


I'm posting this on my blog so I always remember.


Anyone can always be quick to judge


Quick to down you


Quick to leave.


The ones who stick with you during the most painful time


During your most shameful time


Are the ones worth keeping.


As for him and his ego...


I hope he sees that this feeling will pass. I'm still the same person.


With a few mistakes on my belt


And a few whelps from the lessons beaten into me.


If he loves me, he'll grow with me.

I hope he will.

Warning.

Lately, I feel I've been settling for way less than I deserve.

In various aspects, in various friendships and relationships.



Is being on equal footing with someone too much to ask?



I've stated before how I feel about chasing things.



You can find that HERE.



You don't have long to get it together.



I'm done with trying to reach out to you.



Why play tag if you're not going to tag back?



I'm not a child any longer.

You come to me.

The Question of the Day is....

"How you gonna sweep her off her feet and not catch her?"-Seneya Nixon

Exactly!

How are you gonna pick me up and spin me around, have my heart up in the clouds...


Floating on cloud 9...


And when I look down...


You are halfway down the block with Tammy?


Thank God for parachutes.

I apologize...again

There's this thing called wifi right...

And it eludes me, ducks me....

You would think I was asking it for child support money.

*shrugging*

I got that bitch tonight!

Hello loves. I missed writing. Very very much.

I've been wrapped up in all of my thoughts and emotions lately...

Not the best place to be if those emotions are negative and unbearable...

I'm gonna tell you what it's like for me to like a guy:

I like him. He likes someone else.

Or is still involved with an ex.

Or not over his ex.

Or feels weird because I dated a mutual friend and it went nowhere. (this doesn't happen often, this is current. the first time).

I'm in one of those Kiss Me Back moments.

I keep begging for this guy to feel the same way as I do (internal begging, I would never say it out loud).

I doubt he even sees.

Or he sees more than he lets on. He's that type of guy.

And all of this wild goose chasing reminds me of a similar relationship we should all be familiar with:

Kermit the Frog and Ms. Piggy.

Now why Ol' Kermit and Ms Piggy?

Because Ms. Piggy was constantly chasing that ungrateful scrawny frog.

She would do anything for him, go anywhere for him...

She was a real ride or die bitch to be blunt.

And how does he repay her?

Flirts with other women in front of her. Blows her off to be with his friends.

And in one of their movies, The Muppets Take Manhattan, he even gave her the biggest insult of all:

They were legally married and he called her a friend!

After all the grief she went through?!

Granted she wasn't the thinnest woman.

Or the GREENEST woman.

She had an over-the-top, giggly, karate-chop personality.

I'll call her vivacious.

And KERMIT was always complainin about something. He was a dull character to me.

I'm just saying we all have had a Kermit in our lives.

And I am not very fond of kissing these frogs to get to my prince.

Excuse me, my KING.

SO! I will write Kermit this letter:

Dear Kermit the Frog, YOU. ARE. AN ASSHOLE! Can't you see how hopelessly devoted Ms. Piggy was to you? Granted she wasn't AS THIN as you or GREEN but she would ride or die for you. She went hard for your heart. And you constantly played her. You deserve to die a slow, torturous, SOBER, rat infested death for the way you treat good women. Or pigs. YOU ASSHOLE! I hope someone in chinatown eats you, you green bastard.

I'm done ranting.

And I promise myself to never settle for a Kermit.

If you kiss me then mean it. And do it often.

BTW: I Don't Care About Your Band by Julie Klausner fueled this.

Blame her for my low tolerance.

Until next time...

P.S. I WOULD have pics up but blogger is disagreeing with me at the moment. So they will have to wait until another time. URGH THIS POST LOOKS SO EMPTY! It's like an itch I can't scratch...

-__-

Song of the month...

Where do we go from here?

What do I do with these feelings?

The words above are lyrics to Eric Roberson's duet with Lalah Hathaway.

The song is called Dealing.

They both have extremely beautiful voices and the lyrics are relevant to my life currently so...

Enjoy.

For the New Year Part 2...

This woman is really speaking words I should heed to.



"Chasing things of this world is like trying to chase the wind;

No matter what you do, you'll never catch it.

And you'll run out of breath trying."

-Andrea Felisha.



If you happen to blow my way, then fine.


But I'm definitely not gonna chase you.


I have asthma.


And ain't enough asthma pumps in the world for that.

For the New Year...

So I get a random request on facebook one day...

I don't know the woman who is requesting me at all...


I was very skeptical for valid reasons about accepting her...



But did it anyway.



I'm glad I did. Quote of the day for you:



"Maybe you and (insert name) aren't on the same page for a reason.

Some people aren't meant to take part in your storyline.

Some of us are busy writing novels while others are still listening to bedtime stories."

--Andrea Felisha.





She definitely has a point.

Somehow I know you're gonna randomly read this one day...

"He walks away...

The sun goes down...

He takes the day....but I'm grown".


^^ You would think one could handle heartbreak (or disappointments) as easily as that.



Just say FUCK IT! I'm older now. I know better.


I'm not gonna let it break me like when I was 15.


Or 16...


or 17....


Or...wait. Here we are.


DAMN!

Anyway....

Has anyone seen the new campaign for DIESEL?


It's called Be Stupid.


And lately I've been very very Stupid.



My heart doesn't always tell me which way is up...



And it doesn't tell me if my light bill will be high after shining my light on the world...



But It's all I have.



My Head can easily mislead me.



It could listen to that hoe on the right or even be swayed by that nigga on the left...


But my heart?




It's the most valuable thing in my being.

Take it or leave it.

Lie With Me

This was my shit.

Synopsis:

2 emotionally unstable people have a fling and fall in love.

Girl: Slightly promiscouous, revels in sexual freedom, the anonymity.

Guy: Emotionally confused, needs attention, loves the mystery she provides.

She: Not ready to feel anything more than lust, runs from him

He: Chases her.

She: Realizes she wants to be with him. Pursues him. Is rejected. Runs.

He: Chases her. Gets the girl.

But the best part about this movie is that most of this is said without words.

The images. Those are more powerful than anything said in this movie.

It makes you FEEL rather than LISTEN.

I connected with it in so many ways...

I am Him.

Emotionally vunerable.

In need of someone to love and nurture my emotions.

I am Her.

Craving liberation.

Lost yet found in my own conviction.

I need this on DVD.