Things You Should Know/I'm Still Not Saying

10-1
(Ten to One)
I bet you think this post is about you.

I left you long before the New Year started.
You irritate me.
You're like dull match whose spark blew out a long time ago.
Stay in my old life's ash tray.

I appreciate you.
Really I do.
And you seem cool.
But you annoy me.
And you're icky.
You mean well.
I'm an asshole.
But jeesh!

It's funny .
Because you said when a woman gets like this, she finds a way.
I found a way.
It wasn't how I expected.
You will never know about any of those old day dreams.

I get why you are the first in a long time.
I approve.
But more importantly...
Do you want a mentee?
Teach me a few things?
Be my big sister?

I find myself trying to recreate our friendship.
I think we have both grown in different ways.
In school, you have surpassed me.
But in Life...
Well...
I'm still waiting.

The hotter the weather gets
The more I think of you.
I am so angry that you have owned my last summer
And now all I can think of this summer
Is how it relates to last summer.
I really could have gone without knowing you.
No doubt I grew
But really
I could have gone without knowing you.

You didn't deserve what I did to you.
I jeopardized a promising friendship
For nothing more than teenage actions and hormones.
I'm sorry.
You hate me.
I deserve it.
I know.

I didn't ask for your favor.
And since when is OUR business, YOUR business?
Say what you will.
But I'm an asset in his life.
I belong there.
In ways you could never imagine.
Hopefully, one day you will witness
What he looks like
When he decides to evolve.
Fuck. You.

You are
All brilliant in your own setting.
I dig it.
Watching from the sidelines is cool .
All I know
Is that I can find my identity
From watching you.
You are everything I have yet to be.
Everything I'm not.

You can't be bothered with yesterday's foolishness.
Let it go I beg you.
Where is your hunger??