Sweet Dreams...

Oh sleep. How you elude me...

So I stay at my sister Rena's house during the week and last night was one of the worse nights ever.

1. Mosquitoes were fuckin me up non-stop with no remorse. They even went for the face. So now I have a huge dot on my forhead.

2. I couldn't sleep in the first place and when I finally got tired, I kept gettin bit up.

3. Her cat is a horny bastard. I won't even go into details.

Anyway, I finally got a nap in early this morning and what happens?

I have a friggin nightmare.

It's a story folks so here we go:

In this dream I was trapped in Washington Irving High School merged with Bread and Roses with several other teens.

It went from being both of those schools to being a huge ass castle that was locked and no goddamn body had the effin key.

Now this wasn't your regular horror "some-spirit-or-crazy-person-is-gonna-kill-us-off-one-by-one" movie...

The thing that happened to be attacking us was our own FEARS in the flesh.

I cant really remember what all the other's peoples fears were but (sigh) my fear was being afraid by everybody else's fear.

I got triple the scared.

And woke up with triple the sweat.

But that wasn't my ONLY fear, I also feared I would be in an unknown place and all these people would turn on me and try to kill me zombie style.

R.I.P. to the King of Pop.

But anyway, these fears are threatening to really be my undoing when the principal of the schools/castle comes out of nowhere and releases me.

This character was played by my sister's on again and off again boyfriend Jack, owner of the Den, 13oth streets famed restaurant.

He releases me from the school, or so it seems.

Because to top it all off I got a NEW fear:

Not being able to escape or get home.

So it's all this vivid, vicious cycle spinning around and around and around in my head until....

The ringing phone wakes me up.

I have never been more grateful for telemarketers in my life.

And trust me I'm NEVER grateful.

(inconsiderate bastards)

Anyway just had to share folks, and I'll lay off the snacks before bedtime...

Maybe.

Y_Y O-- !

I miss my cousin Raina.

My Thong Buddy Twin....

With the swagalicious booty....

I'm trynna make it up to Jersey next weekend.

I'm trynna have an adventure.

Y_Y O-- !!!!

(you ain't gotta understand it. but love it anyway.)

Note to self...

I'm older...

Wiser....

Stronger....

Better....

So self, do me a favor....

And PLEASE....

STOP LETTING ME DO STUPID SHIT!

ahem* Thanx.

That is All.

*

The Chronicles Of Grandma...Again

So for those of you who don't know, my grandmother is currently in a nursing home recovering from a broken hip...

I affectionately call her the bionic woman.

But I have two stories to tell here:

Story 1:

(back when she was in the hospital)

Me: Grandma why are you so mean? :(

Grammy: I'm not mean.

Me: :( Yes you are...

*commercial for some kids toy comes on t.v.*

Grammy: SHUT UP YOU BRATS!

Me: O.O grandma!

Grammy: What? *so nonchalantly I might add*

Me: You just said you weren't mean and then you just yelled at the kids on tv!

Grammy: I'm not mean if they can't hear me.

................................

LMAO! I find that quite hilarious and true.

Story 2:

*sitting with grammy at the nursing home with her 2 old lady friends. the darker one has threatened to hit another patient over the head with her cane and the hispanic one next to grandma is JUST getting started...

Dark Lady: *points to some man in a wheelchair* Is that a man?

Grammy: Yup.

Hispanic Lady: *THICK accent* Yeah it is and thats one ugly mother fucker.

Me & Amanda: O.O *LMAOOOO!*

Grammy: *laughing* That's not nice, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Hispanic Lady: Well what you want me to say? He's cute? He's an ugly motherfucker.

PART 2!

*nurses come in to give hispanic lady her shot*

Hispanic Lady: GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKERS!

Nurse 1: Calm down miss, this is for your diabetes

Hispanic Lady: SUCK MY PUSSY YOU BUMS!

Me and Amanda:.................................................

Grammy: *laughing*

Nurse 2: I got her *gives her the shot*

Hispanic: I hope you choke on my cum, you faggot.

Me and Amanda: ..............................!!!!

Hispanic Lady: I got something for your ass alright *picks up a butterknife and threatens the nurses with it*

Grammy: Don't you think you're gonna need something sharper than that? *picks up a FORK*

Now what the hell is up with my grandmother and effing FORKS!?! JESUS! (click the link smh).

I can't. I really can't. *dying of laughter*

Freedom?

I am angry.

GRRRRR!!!!

For no apparent reason at all.

Maybe it's my lack of freedom?

I think it's the lack of freedom.

My sisters are always trying to control my life....

I'm beholden to my friends because they need me....

I often feel pressure to be THIS WAY or THAT WAY...

I'm always someone's SISTER, someone's LOVER, someone's FRIEND, someone's CRUTCH, someone's GRANDDAUGHTER, someone's DAUGHTER, someone's CRUSH, someone's STUDENT, someone's ROLE MODEL...

And if I am all of these things....

Then I belong to each and every person who views me that way.

I feel like I give everything I have to these people, friends, sisters, boyfriends, other...

Take care of your Grandmother Keisha. Make sure she's fed, she's clean and her laundry is done.

Take care of the bills Keisha, get a job so you can pay the cable and the phone.

Where are you going today Keisha? Call me when you leave and when you get there and if I call you in between you better answer my calls.

Why don't we talk as often Keisha? Why do I always have to hit you up first?

Keisha I have a problem, can you stay on the phone with me while I whine about things for hours and hours and not even ask you about your day?

Pick up your godbrothers Keisha, because I can't right now.

Loan me some money, even though I won't give it back to you.

Get your grades up Keisha. Get your diploma.

Go to the rent office and make sure everything is in order.

Stop them from kicking you out of your apartment.

Get out of your apartment, you're not allowed to stay there.

Talk to me Keisha, because you have no choice.

Keisha

Keisha

KEISHA!

STOP!

Let me breathe....

(by the way i misspelled my name like seven times while typing this)

What do I have left to give ME?

For once I would just like to belong to no one but God and myself.

Fuck everybody else.

I think Anne Rice described it best in her book, The Vampire Lestat, where the mother speaks of her idea of freedom:

"I imagine going into the village and up into the inn and taking into my bed any men that come there--crude men, big men, old men, boys. Just lying there and taking them one after another, and feeling some magnificent triumph in it, some absolute release without a thought of what happens to your father or your brothers, whether they are alive or dead. In that moment I am purely myself. I belong to no one."

Yes. That's exactly it. Maybe not so much sexual freedom as the freedom to do whatever I please without caring about judgement...

Whatever I please....

It sounds so good.

And yet so very unattainable.

Oh well. I'm just gonna blast these thoughts out my head with music.

I'll have another story. Maybe later. Maybe not.

Random Post of Frustration

Dear Internet Explorer 8,


FUCK YOU! You were an update, meaning, you were supposed to make my internet a happier place to be. A more CONVIENT place to be. Somewhere where I would have no difficulty trying to open the random links that my friends and followers send me. HOW DARE YOU suck such DIRTY BALLS with your browser suggestions and lack of the ability to let me open a new tab? Our relationship was short and it shall remain so. I'm going back to 7. You Dicklet.

Love, Keisha

(inspired by simone )

P.S. You're the Dead one.

A More FORMAL Welcome Back...

Hello world. Back from the poconos as you can see....

It was really nice up there, must vacation again soon.

But hopefully not too soon.

Me and my friend Amanda went up to my pyschotic aunt's house to stay for the July 4th weekend....

Now she's always been a little off but this weekend just confirmed the fact she needs to be put in a loony bin.

Let's state the facts:

1. Singing "row, row your boat" in the car, at the dinner table or in polite company is MORE than a bit weird.

2. Talking to an 18 year old and even a 14 year old (my cousin Devon) like we are 3 doesn't sit well with us young teenagers.

3. Do you have to be extremely judgemental about everything? Isn't it enough that we all assume and judge IN OUR HEADS? Why say the stupidness out loud? Why??

4. Just because you are a Christian, doesn't mean you have to look down on other religions or people who choose not to have a religion.

5. You spoiled Devon soo much that he's bored to death and lonely, so when I come to see MY COUSIN, he has incestral behavior (incest: family members who date each other and/or marry and have kids. often with deformities).

6. She's one of those people who sincerely believes in whatever she believes in and doesn't understand why everyone doesn't believe in it because it makes that much sense to her.

7. "Row, row your boat" is not acceptable when buying fireworks.

She's a BIT off her rocker.

Now everything was cool on Friday, besides all of the questions she asked Amanda.

It started like this:

Amanda: Do you have anything else to eat besides pork? I don't like pork.

Aunt: Are you Hindu?

Amanda: Noo...

Aunt: Jewish?

Amanda: Noo....

Aunt: (names several MORE things including vegetarian)

Amanda: No, I just don't like pork.

Aunt: Well there has to be a reason WHY you don't like it.

Me: (in my head: The TASTE maybe?)

Why does she have to be labeled? Is she so different and out of the box that you have to create one to put her in?

And her husband seemed like a decent guy, except that he got excessively drunk and couldn't believe that two young girls from Harlem could be extremely intelligent. Really, he was in shock...

But here's the kicker:

She woke us up on Friday and Saturday. Sunday rolls around and we get up by ourselves, we wonder when we're going to go home.

Around 11 she storms through the guest room door and says

"OKAY! Time to get up, Church in 10 minutes!"

.............................................................................................................................

Amanda was looking at me like "bitch why you bring me up here?"

(she has bad experiences with church. She believes that most of them are either too commercial or not enough about the message. Plus it doesn't help that the last time she was in a church they wanted to peform an exorcism on her because apparently holy water burns her.....)

Amanda: I'm not really comfortable with church....

Aunt: What? What's the problem? Do you believe in a religion other than christian?

Amanda: I'm not in any religion, it's just that--

Aunt: But you said you're not Jewish right? Or Hindu? Or WITCH (she says this like you say DOG SHIT. And the correct term is Wicca you pyschotic crazy bitch.)

Amanda: O.O No I'm not but--

Aunt: So what, you got a problem with Jesus? Cause you can stay in the parking lot if you want.

{{Insert HUGEEEEEE silence HERE}}

Long story short, we stayed in the lobby and the church was one of those churches that got alot of funding, was very short and even had a gift shop. (rich white people live pretty good).

After the sermon, my aunt's friend came up to us and politely says:

"What the hell you doing here you heathens?"

.......................................

S.M.H. Well I haven't gotten an invite back up there. I guess our "rebellion" pissed the crazy lady off pretty bad.

But bitch was straight DUCKY, how are we supposed to react??

*sighness* Family. Can't live with them, can't kill them cause you won't get money.

Oh the irony...